Late yesterday afternoon, the internet immolated over the news that Taylor Swift was spotted making out with Tom Hiddleston.
Complaints were lodged, takes were issued, memes were invented, conspiracies were assumed.
Now that it’s calmed down a bit (the life cycle of an internet gossip story is officially 14 minutes), the details of their newfound romance are coming out. And if this Metro piece is to believed, it’s Hiddleston who went after Swift. Hard.
Which means we need to ask the most important question there is. Was. It. Bro?
1. Hiddleston is a 35-year-old man making moves on a 26-year-old.
Any dude can successful wow a girl nine years his junior. Look at me. I’m a stable adult. I have seen the world. I am cultured and know things. I have a job and equity in a home.
It’s like blowing away a toddler with how tall you are.
Not Bro
2. Hiddleston is British and Swift is American.
British men can make any woman swoon. Especially, especially one just out of a relationship. For Hiddleston, it was probably about as difficult as getting out of hammock after a long summer afternoon nap.
Not Bro
3. Taylor Swift was just two weeks out a relationship
This is starting to look less like Hiddleston attempting to court Taylor and more like him suffocating a coma patient with a pillow.
Not Bro
4. Hiddz tried to woo her with his dance moves while she was still dating her old boyfriend.
Has anyone ever seen a smooth dancing man take a girl with a boyfriend out on the dance floor, bust a move, and thought, “Hey, that’s a cool, chill, respectable thing that guy is doing.”
Fuck no.
Not Bro
5. He called her on the phone after news of her relationship broke and talked to her for an hour.
Masquerading as a friend when a girl is down and out and then sidling up to her as her next lay is about the sleaziest thing a man can do.
Not Bro
6. This fucking quote
‘She’d barely hung up the phone when a bouquet of flowers arrived at her door – Tom managed to order them while he was on the phone with her. It was so charming and put a smile on her face.
I’ve seen 12-year-olds with playground crushes act with more panache and less desperation.
Not Bro
7. Uhhhhhhhhh. She’s Taylor Swift.
Yea.
That kind of trumps everything.
I can’t hate on any dude who goes after Tay. I can’t think of a move I wouldn’t pull to try and get in there.
Bro
So as not Bro as every single thing he did was, yea, it’s still Bro.
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