Here Are The 11 Types Of Strange People You Will Meet Any Time You Visit Reddit

by 1 year ago
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Reddit has basically taken over the Internet. The reasons are many and varied, and would probably make for an interesting (lol okay) read itself, but we’re not here to talk about Reddit itself. No, we’re to talk about the delightful assholes who make Reddit… well, Reddit.

Okay, that’s not fair. It’s not all dumb assholes and shitposters. It’s… it’s… okay, yes, it’s pretty much all dumb assholes and shitposters, but let’s face it, that’s part of its… its… we’ll go with charm. Yeah, why not?

Anyway, if you stand any chance of surviving Reddit, you better know who you’re dealing with, so here are eleven types of people you absolutely will meet on Reddit.

The Shitposter

Look, let’s just get this one out of the way first because this is pretty much 99% of all people on Reddit. What is shitposting exactly? Well, it’s a lot like porn: you just know it when you see it. It’s probably best defined as something that adds nothing to the conversation, usually derailing it along the way. Sometimes the shitposting is in response to the original post being a shitpost, and… look, this is all very complicated stuff, okay?

The Karma Whore

All this person cares about is getting people to upvote every dumbass thing they say. Why? Because it gives them a higher karma score. Why is that important? Uh, well… it isn’t. Not really. Sure, there are people who will tell you it’s a useful way to see if someone has credibility or not, but really, all it means is that the dude or lady dude is on Reddit waaaay too often and that they very likely are obsessed with their karma. Sad? Well… yeah. (Please upvote this.)

The Updater

This dude is just sad. He posts something, it gets more upvotes than he ever dreamed, so he takes the opportunity to update his post, usually by thanking all the upvoters, which is kind of pathetic and needy all on its own, but they don’t always stop there. Oh no. The updater will often update his post again, usually with some comment that tries to capitalize on the post’s popularity, like a dude who manages to tell a funny joke and then just keeps hammering it until no one thinks it’s funny anymore. But some updaters keep going even further. They add shoutouts to their family and friends, carry on schizophrenic convos with themselves, and basically cringe it up until everyone just feels kind of sad and embarrassed for them. Welcome to Reddit, everyone!

The Petty Tyrant

This is the mod who lets all that “power” run to his head and acts like his shitty little subreddit is his own personal fiefdom. He’ll suspend and ban people for petty reasons that don’t make any sense to anyone but him, he’ll be overly anal about arbitrary rules, and he’ll eventually cause rebellions by the peasants and pretty soon the subreddit is just him and his friends shitposting while everyone else runs off to start their own subreddits, where the process repeats itself. It’s the Reddit circle of life.

The Professor

This dude is never wrong about anything. Ever. And if you dare disagree with his wisdom from on high, he’ll be sure to let you know that he’s a Mechanical Engineer with advanced degrees in literally everything and he once spent seven years learning at the foot of the Dalai Lama while he was in the Navy SEALs. And he will tell you all of this over and over again over the course of 3,000 comments, arguing while you sleep, while you eat, while you shower, while you surf over to Pornhub and do, uh, whatever it is you do there, and when you return, having forgotten all about him, he’ll still be going, an entire novel of bullshit in his wake. It would be sort of impressive if it wasn’t so pathetically sad.


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