If You Can Watch This Video Of Jaden Smith Giving Life Lessons Without Wanting To Slug Him, You’re A Better Man Than Me


Did anyone else want to punch him in the forehead? Like hard? Ok, just checking. But before I delivered a haymaker to an innocent 16 year old, I’d remind him that stairs, in fact, do not light up. I mean, christ, how cocksure can you possibly be at 16-years-old? My voice cracked when I said hi to Erica Montgomery the first day of high school and it followed me all four years. And this dude’s spewing off life lessons before sprouting his first pube? Fuck outta here. And you may counter with, ‘well he’s Will Smith’s son.’ Which is exactly why he should have an inferiority complex. If I was Will Smith’s son and had a couple forgettable movie appearances, I’d be Todd. I’d be fucking Todd.

If I got one positive thing from this philosophy session it would be an idea for my first tattoo:

“Life is stairs.”
-J. Smith

Probably in chinese.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.