What Happens In Real-Life Sex That You Never See In Porn?

by 12 months ago

zack and miri make a porn

In “Ask Reddit,” this curious query was recently pondered, “What happens in real-life sex that you never see in porn?”

The insightful Redditors provided some thoughtful answers.

User Steven_is_a_fat_ass (I disagree, Steven is just big-boned) said, “Apologizing.” How true is that statement. If I had a nickel every time I said, “Sorry, must have been all that whiskey I drank,” or “I usually last much longer, but you’re just so sexy,” or “This has never happened to me before.” The post was beautifully tagged by RunningUpThtHill who said, “In Canada we need that to finish.”

Careb noted that the set is always at the optimal temperature for fucking.

“People being cold, so all you see is two bobble heads poking out of a mound of blankets.”

Also it’s never too hot. There’s never a guy working his shaft, really putting in the effort, and sweating like Patrick Ewing in Game 7 of the 1994 Conference Finals against the Pacers.

Steve_is_very_cool said, “Most of our dicks aren’t the size of our forearms. right guys?” The key word is “most,” sorry Steve.

pqowie313 said the conversations in porn sex are far different than that of real life sex talks such as:

“Let’s try this. Sure. This doesn’t work and it sorta hurts. Okay, I’m tired, you get on top now.”

Plus I’ve never heard a porn convo mentioning, “The dog is licking my toes.”

SMS_ME_YOUR_TITS said you never hear, “Guess I’ll go wipe my dick off now.”

Can’t sleep comfortably with human glue cementing your chode to your leg hair.

Speaking of jizzwads, CuddleLumpkin astutely points out that nobody wants to sleep in the cum puddle.

“Being careful as to not let bodily secretions drip drop everywhere. Ain’t no one wanna sleep in the wet spot. Also, the waddle to the bathroom to clean up, or your partner chucking the towel to you as you are frozen in place as to not let any mess get messier.”

Poor sliceofwonderbread had this to say, “Guy trying to put his dick in and can’t immediately find the hole.” Some words of advice, it’s the wet hole, not the stinky one. Unless you’re with the wrong type of girl, then theoretically those could be reversed. Nevermind.

Red_Iine talks about the worst possible event that can happen during intercourse.

“Your boner slipping out, but you go to jam it in before realizing it slipped out, and jamming it into her taint, injuring both parties. Sometimes hard enough to end the whole affair.”

But what about leg cramps? That moment you’re fucking good and then your entire leg is paralyzed and you fall to the bed and screaming in pain.

via GIPHY

You never see that shit in porn. So much for being realistic.


TAGSask redditPornRedditSex

Join The Discussion