Whiskey Barrel-Aged Siracha! Plus 10 Things We Want

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American as F*ck Tee-Shirt, $19.99

Question: Do you love America? Do you love it so much that you have to use profanity when you talk about it? Then this tee-shirt is for you. Just in time for the Olympics, the American as F*ck shirt comes in both tee- and tank-form. And it’s more patriotic than an eagle shitting out fireworks on top of Mt. Rushmore.

Game Golf, $249

An innovative and expensive tool for true golf nerds, Game Golf tracks valuable stats from your shots and delivers a birds-eye view of your entire round. The process is a bit complicated; thankfully the video above explains it well.

Hungry Fan, $Free

Food options at stadiums are now so varied this app might be a necessity. Hungry Fan essentially works as a super-localized Yelp, directing you to the concession stand nearest your seat with the burger or beer or cavier-encrusted lobster roll (if you’re at Yankee Stadium) that you want. It’ll save valuable aimless-walking-around time.

Slow Watches, $240

Much like slow cooking, a slow watch should be used to slow down and enjoy life. Just fuckin’ with you: The slow watch is, simply, a watch that rotates around a full 24-hour dial, with indexes marking every 15 minutes. That appears to be it! But the design is pretty stellar and the Swiss Made Ronda Caliber movement will keep the correct time—so it doesn’t really need to reinvent the wheel watch.

SOSU Barrel-Aged Sriracha, $25

How do you make siracha better? You add booze. The geniuses at Sosu have sort of done that, aging siracha in whiskey barrels for one to three months and coming away with a smoky, rich character you won’t find in other chili sauces. It’s apparently very good.

Nike Kobe 9 NSW Lifestyles, $120

Kobe will be off the court for at least a few more weeks. His line of shoes, though, hasn’t taken a break: the Kobe NSW Lifestyle released a new colorway this Monday. Look at that subtle off-white coloring, snakeskin print, and purple lining and gold eyelets, giving the pair a Lakers touch. Undoubtedly fresh.

Hyperglide Razors, $17

Razors are a racket and no tears were shed when shaving-averse young bros started slowly killing the industry. But maybe, just maybe, this new razor from Hyperglide isn’t a total rip-off. Featuring a self-lubricating cartridge, the Hydroglide essentially creates its own shaving gel when it hits water, providing a more comfortable shave and giving your skin a break from the horrors of a blade.

And even if it doesn’t work as well as advertised, you have to like the fact that a razor company isn’t just “innovating” by saying, “eh, just throw four more fucking blades on the thing.”

Paper, $Free

Released just a few days ago, Paper is a new app from Facebook that allows you to find, organize, and share stories on the social network. It could be the best way to consume Facebook on your phone—that’s the word from several tech journalists at least—but we’ll see if the rest of the world also catches on. For now, I’m content with looking at that simple and clean design.

Hex-O-Matic Pen, $35

For anyone 18-65, the bulk of our writing is done on a laptop. This is overall a good thing. I have, believe it or not, deleted and rewritten huge chunks of this fundamentally dumb column, and the thought of doing the same on a typewriter makes me understand the high rate of author suicide.

But there is something that’s lost in the digital age. Our penmanship is uniformly horrible, and if we’re lucky enough to have a trusty pen it’s probably one inscribed with “Tindle Brothers Funeral Home” and you have no fucking clue how it’s in your possession.

Enter the Hex-o-Matic pen and pencils. They’re retro cool and actually provide a little heft for what used to be a throwaway item. Plus, as Cool Material correctly points out, they bear the same slick and substantial look as the pen your dad kept in his shirt pocket, right beside the cigs.

Joe Namath’s Coat, $My future 401k

No one else could pull this off. That crazy, Suzy Kolber-lovin’ old coot did. Five days have gone by and I barely remember what team the Seahawks beat, but Joe Namath’s bitchin’ coat will love on. And should fetch six figures in a New York City auction very soon.

[Joe Namath image via © Joe Camporeale | USA Today]