This Woman Intentionally Had Sex With 25 Men At A Party Because She Wanted To Copy Porn, Now OOPS She’s Pregnant
Shutterstock
As far as “Dear Amy” columns go they’re typically full of stupid questions along the lines of “Today I snorted bath salts up my nose and I accidentally slaughtered my entire neighborhood. Was that a bad life decision?” because these people are so socially inept that they have 0 friends they can ask for advice in real life. Once in a blue moon though, there comes a question from someone who’s been so painfully misguided that they consider having sex with 25 men at a party to be a good idea, only to realize later that WHOOPS she’s pregnant and porn isn’t a good example of what sex is like in real life.
Dear Coleen,
I have been really stupid. I went to a party recently and got very drunk and had sex with all the guys there.
There was porn on the TV and, stupidly, I decided to copy it.
Now I’ve discovered that I’m pregnant – none of the men there wore condoms.
I don’t know what to do about the baby but I don’t think it’s sensible to continue with the pregnancy.
I obviously have no idea who the father is – he could be any one of 25.
I feel very ashamed.(Via)
The only situation where boning 25 people at a party is acceptable is if…oh wait, there isn’t one. Even if you’re getting paid for letting over two dozen men take a peek through your roast beef curtains that’s a little excessive, unless it’s porn. Then you’re just a goddamn pro.
But what advice does Coleen give this poor idiot woman? Surprisingly, it’s not awful:
You need to look at how much you’re drinking and the people you’re hanging around with.
It also makes me angry that not one guy at the party tried to put a stop to it and considered how you were going to feel the next day.
You can’t change what happened but, hopefully, you’ve learned a massive lesson.
You need to stop beating yourself up over it and focus on what to do next.
Speak to your doctor about STI tests as well as your options for the pregnancy.
I think you need counselling to talk about what happened and whether you want to keep the baby.
Naturally you feel bad about what happened, but the important thing now is to learn from it and move on.(Via)
Translation: you’re a fucking idiot. Learn to not be an idiot, continue living your life and hope that your child doesn’t grow up to be this kid who can’t stop jerking off during hockey penalties. Coleen’s given you enough advice, you don’t need to be writing in to her again because your parenting skills as well as your common sense are both lacking.
[H/T Mirror, header image via Shutterstock]
Sucks being the last dude up to ride that ho train. Rough.
I love Rebecca Martinson.
The guys at that party were even grosser than the girl
No one was gross, or slutty, or wrong. Consenting adults BroBible. Get with the program. Loser hypocritical pearl clutchers. Or is it only ok for women to have casual sex with one man?
The only situation where having so little compassion for someone in pain is acceptable is …oh wait, there isn’t one.
I believe there’s an episode of Blue Mountain State on this topic…
That was the best company Christmas party I’ve ever been to.
Sucks being the last dude up to ride that ho train. Rough.
I love Rebecca Martinson.
The guys at that party were even grosser than the girl
No one was gross, or slutty, or wrong. Consenting adults BroBible. Get with the program. Loser hypocritical pearl clutchers. Or is it only ok for women to have casual sex with one man?
The only situation where having so little compassion for someone in pain is acceptable is …oh wait, there isn’t one.
I believe there’s an episode of Blue Mountain State on this topic…
That was the best company Christmas party I’ve ever been to.