World’s Biggest Douchebag Kicked Off JetBlue Flight After Yelling About His $4 Million Salary And His 176 IQ

 
Well it’s not often I watch an 11-minute video all the way through that doesn’t say ‘Brazzers’ in the bottom left corner, but when I do it’s to remind myself how shitty my life is. Do I make $4 million a year? No. Do I own six houses? That’s just impractical. Do I have a 176 IQ? I cheated on my SATs. SIGH, how will I ever be as cool as the dude who got kicked off a JetBlue flight for being a King among peasants. My god, what a fucking loser. I just want to sit down with that dude’s parents and ask them if they truthfully love their son or if they’d prefer returning him to the TJ Maxx exchange counter with that FILA jumpsuit atrocity he’s sportin.

See if I was on that flight I’d advise the crew to let those three dudes stay on the flight and while we’re at 30,000 feet over the Pacific, toss them out the emergency exit with their seat cushions so we can see if those mafucka’s really float. That way, we can expel a few dregs of society and we can get confirmation of something I’ve wondered about for years. If a 12 foot piece of beachwood can’t hold a teenage Rose and Jack, there’s no fucking way a seat cushion can keep my fat ass afloat.

P.S. Would you rather spend a week with 176 IQ dude or this lady?

I choose Option C: Suicide.

P.P.S. That insult track suit threw at Mr. Clean doe. “Mr. Bald, can’t grow a set of hair.” Set of hair. 176 IQ.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.