Ex-Circus Zebras Are Running Through The Streets Of Philadelphia And Yep! The Mushrooms Just Kicked In

Zebras are sick of being your fucking puppets. They didn’t sign up for your stupid circus and are paid well below minimum wage. I mean, how many times can you watch a dude juggle some fucking balls before you and your zebras bros plan a Shawshank? This was just a matter of time.

Per NBC Philadelphia:

Police are trying to corral zebras running loose in West Philadelphia.

The zebras, according to witness accounts, reportedly somehow got loose from the UniverSoul Circus outside the Mann Center for the Performing Arts, near 52nd Street and Parkside Avenue.

 

Check out this renegade prancing through the streets like he pays taxes.

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This dude is un-fucking-stoppable.

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#TEAMZEBRA

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Look at this zebra trying to act on his best behavior. Like “You know I was just playin’.”

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Even if all zebras are captured, it makes for a hell of a story to tell over some ice cold zebrews.

[h/t The Big Lead]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.