25 Reasons Bros Should Be Excited About the NBA Returning

by 5 years ago

So with that in mind, here are 25 reasons why you should watch in the coming year:

To see…

1. If K.G. Murders Ray Allen

Catch this last night or today? Keep this in mind: The Heat and Celtics play again on January 27. K.G. will blow Ray Allen off again, and it'll be like second nature to him. That's what you do when you spend months slowly throwing ninja stars at a Fathead of your former teammate.

2. How LeBron's Hair Plugs Are Coming In

It's irresponsible of me to keep harping on this rumor, which I'm 99.9% sure is false. But, dammit, if it doesn't look like he got hair plugs. Will his hair get longer, fuller, and more filled-out as the season goes on? Or am I wrong, and instead we'll all watch his headband keep riding up higher and higher until he needs to wear two again this season?

3. The Inexplicable Career Path of Eddy Curry

There was a stretch early in last night's Mavericks-Lakers game when the Lakers went on an 11-4 run. At least seven of the points they scored could be directly traced back to Eddy Curry blowing defensive assignments, missing a free throw, and generally acting like the out-of-shape almost-out-the-league NBA'er he is. Never have I seen a guy breathe as heavy as he did after running down the court, and never had I wanted to laugh more at an athlete. And yet, after a few minutes, Curry slowed it down, got his bearings and proceeded dominate DWIGHT HOWARD in the paint. He played a pretty good game.

Chris Kamen, stay injured as long as you can. Curry is slowly giving hope to any wannabe professional athlete with BMIs of over 40. It's a Cinderella story.

4. The Continuing Performance Art of Jason Whitlock

One of the worst hacks in basketball sportswriting, Whitlock made waves last year for his racist Tweet about Jeremy Lin. Much like a shock artist making a desperate grab for relevancy, what will Whitlock come up with this year? Time will tell.

5. Jeremy Lin and James Harden Running the Backcourt in Houston

Six months ago, would anyone have expected these two leaving their respective teams, much less playing with each other? These things happen, though, when you're led by a numbers-crunching savant, like Oklahoma City, and an idiot, like New York. Now, Lin and Harden are in a weird experiment in which both will be expected to lead a new team, and neither have much experience doing anything of that sort. And despite his worldwide fame, Lin has also started, like, 20-something games in his career. We have no clue what to expect here.

6. Javele McGee in Denver

I'll just leave it at that.

7. These Point Guards!

Derrick Rose, Russell Westbrook, Kyrie Irving, Deron Williams, Chris Paul, Rajon Rondo, Steve Nash, and Tony Parker.

Derrick Rose, Russell Westbrook, Kyrie Irving, Deron Williams, Chris Paul, Rajon Rondo, Steve Nash, and Tony Parker.

Derrick Rose, Russell Westbrook, Kyrie Irving, Deron Williams, Chris Paul, Rajon Rondo, Steve Nash, and Tony Parker.

I'm sorry, I broke.

8. NBA 2K13

It's the best sports video game in the world. Plus, Rasheed Wallace just came with the last roster update. What more do you want?

9. Nets-Knicks

This might be because we're in New York and all this stuff is going on, but this just feels like an epic opening night game. Now that it's been postponed, it's like a long sought-after movie that keeps pushing its release date—people are about to piss themselves in excitement. The Nets haven't played a regular season game yet, but it already feels like moving to Brooklyn was the best decision they could have made. This series between the two teams should be mad fun.

10. Christmas Day

At 12 p.m., it's Celtics-Nets. 3 p.m. is Knicks-Lakers. 5:30 p.m. is Thunder-Heat and 8 p.m. is Rockets-Bulls. That's a long, fruitful holiday, a perfect excuse to ignore loved ones and eat younger siblings' candy while staring at the TV. I would say that's a schedule that matches the NFL and football, but, again, I don't want to be seen as a dirty Red.

11. Steve Nash's Wardrobe

Last night was the first GAME. Will his sense of style keep becoming more and more bizarre, so that by Game 72 he's dressing like 1998 Andre 3000?

12. Just the Lakers in General

Steve Nash, Dwight Howard, Kobe Bryant, Pau Gasol, and the delightfully crazy Metta World Peace will all be sharing a court together this year. If that doesn't get you excited, find the nearest chest paddles, please.

13. Whatever Promotional Item Blake Griffin Will Jump Over Next

C'mon, Blake! I know you took a year off from this, but you've got some commercials to make. At this All-Star game, consider jumping over something that'll really get the fans going nuts. Like Justin Bieber! Then fuck up the leap.

14. Bill Simmons and Jalen Rose on NBA Countdown

They should bring a new perspective to a stale format. It might bomb disastrously. But at least it'll be interesting.

15. The Timberwolves Throwing Out an All-White Lineup

This is a tricky thing to write about. So let me be clear in saying that I don't think it's a positive or negative step forward that we could very easily have an all-white Timberwolves starting lineup. It's just something unusual, that's all. And it's pretty funny when it's an actual talking point on “Pardon the Interruption,” as it was yesterday. So how can Minnesota start looking like the bad guys from “Glory Road?” Pretty easily, actually. Luke Ridnour, Ricky Rubio, Kevin Love, Chase Budinger, and Andrei Kirilenko (among others) will probably all start from time to time. That's a collection of white talent.

16. Whatever the Hell David Stern is Going to Do

The man has one year left. He's calling Hurricane Sandy “Katrina.” He asked Jim Rome if he beats his wife. He's like a grandfather walking out of a grocery store with an unpurchased pack of Skittles and a Maxim. He just doesn't care anymore. Will he suspend a player for “looking at me funny” this year? Jury's out!

17. Which One of Our Bro Bars Mark Cuban Will End Up At Next

Friend of the site Mark Cuban wound up at Kilroy's, our No. 1 Bro Bar in the Country, a few weeks ago. We feel Cubes has a couple more Bro bars left in him this season. Heard of The Boot? Shooters II? Rhino? We're waiting for the stories.

18. Roy Hibbert's Dancing

In the next few months, there will be a new dance fad. (Yes, even “Gangnam Style” must pass). Hibbert will dance to this and put it on the Internet and people will rejoice. Because tall people dancing is always funny.

19. Craig Sager's Suits

The man is a fashion disaster in all the best ways ever. Craig Sager is a Bro, he doesn't care what you think about what he's wearing, and it's always fun to see what he's rocking next. Stay tuned for Christmas Day, when he does sideline interviews in his boxers and an open smoking jacket.

20. Me Picking a New Team

I grew up a Charlotte Hornets fan. I had the legendary Starter jacket and in hindsight, I should have had also had either a Glen Rice or Jamal Mashburn jersey because they're both fucking awesome. Then the Hornets moved and I made a pathetic attempt at becoming a Charlotte Bobcats fan, and it's been the worst part about my life. The team stinks. Michael Jordan is a terrible owner. And there's no hope in the near or far future for any success. I don't care about anything they do. I want a new team.

So now I'm looking to hop on bandwagon. I want to give it like five games to test the waters. The L.A. Clippers are a possibility. So are the Bulls. And the Nets are on the shortlist too. I'll watch all three for five games and then shamelessly become a fan because I DESERVE IT.

21. Lin vs. Dolan, January 17

Unfortunately, the GQ cover story on Jeremy Lin isn't online yet. Needless to say, Lin doesn't have a healthy amount of respect for Knicks owner James Dolan, who ignored reports that the guard may have been worth $1 billion to MSG and refused to make him the fourth-highest paid player on the team. I want to see Lin come back to New York and drop 40.

22. The possibility of Mitt Romney Interacting with an NBA Championship Team

Romney's odds are stacked against him to win a presidency, but if he does pull it off, he could be a part of a Rose Garden ceremony for the ages. Nearly every major basketball player has either played with or hung out with President Obama at this point—will they boycott White House honors? (Eh, no, but it's fun to think of the inevitable 10-day media cycle that would come of it). Plus, I'd kill to see the former governor talk about “sport” and his favorite “fictional basketball teams” with NBA'ers. Actually, I'm going to vote for Romney to make this happen. I encourage you do it as well.

23. I Haven't Said the Heat Yet? The Heat

Love 'em or hate 'em, let's stop talking about how much we either love 'em or hate 'em. They're dominant, they're playing a level of team basketball we have never seen before, and LeBron James is the best athlete on the planet. They'll be as fun as having your buddy's credit card at a strip club.

24. Delonte West

The guy who enjoyed a dalliance with LeBron's mom (and there's another great unsubstantiated LeBron rumor) is currently without a team and Tweeting his qualifications to anyone who will take him. Someone could use his particular brand of crazy. We wait with bated breath to see who it is.

25. The Book Club Sensai

Keep the videos coming, Blake. Ultimately, they're more important than your basketball career. Viral videos matter!


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