Cam Newton Is Pretty Sure He Is The Starting Quarterback For God’s Fantasy Football Team

by 3 years ago
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Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton walked away from Tuesday’s scary car accident with minor injuries considering the severity of the wreck. Today, in his first public comments since the accident, he had a reason for his good fortune.

Whoa. That’s a pretty solid honor. It doesn’t say a lot about God’s ability to build a fake football team, but, hey, that’s beside the point.

Personally I don’t know why he’s so excited. Clearly the Man Upstairs hasn’t been too happy with Newton’s output this season and ordained a near-death experience to serve as a wake-up call.

This news does confirm God has struggled mightily with the position since Tim Tebow hung up his blessed cleats.

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