Colt McCoy Leads Redskins To Victory, Is Pure Sex

Geoff Burke/ USA Today 

Look right above you. Would you fuck that dude right there? I would fuck that dude. Because that right there is six feet and one inch and two hundred and fifteen pounds of pure, uncut sex. Illegal in 49 states, except Maryland, where today Colt McCoy came off the bench and led the Washington Redskins to a last-second, 19-17 win over the Tennessee Titans. That included an 11/12 passing performance, a 138.9 QB rating and a game-winning drive in the final two minutes.

Still don’t think he’s nothing but cock, swagger and bitches? His very first pass of the season was a 70-yard touchdown.

That was a gunshot and a cumshot. Colt impregnated every female member of the Senate with that pass. And they were ten miles away. If you aren’t already knocked up by him, just look at the eyes.

McCoy is Mr. Steal Your Girl and Mr. Win Your Game. You know what his career NFL record is? I don’t, and I’m not going to look it up and ruin my delusion that he’s the Redskins’ quarterback of the future. Colt’s the guy you want under center. Griffin? Priss. Cousins? Ha. McCoy is Texas hoss. A born winner. And not hard at all to watch play a football game.

Twenty weeks ago, without a starting job, what was McCoy doing? Grinding.

Oh, yea. Look at Colt below, dapper as fuck afterward. He didn’t know he was gonna have to meet the media and still dressed up. You would ditch your girlfriend for him. Your girlfriend would definitely ditch you for him.

Why, that grin! So playful and coy and inviting. And how he handles the press! With delicious aplomb!

See his FORM? UHHHN.

That is Montana-esque. That is Brady-ish. That, my friends, is your quarterback of the next 20 years, and a goddamn Greek demi-god to boot. Colt. McCoy. All hard consonants that exude masculinity. No bitchy-ass vowels in his name. Motherfucker only has O’s. For the orgasms he gun give ya. Bet he’s got a dick the size of a baseball bat.

Of course, this being the Redskins, it sounds like they are going to fuck at all up.

Oh yea, sure. Put in the guy without the leg. That’ll work. Not the stud you already have under center.

[BIG thanks to @recordsANDradio for his tweets and Vines embedded here]