Dicky Vitale Was Fiending For A Kate Upton Sighting At Last Night’s Tigers Game, Proving Thirst Knows No Age

Justin Verlander’s had a tough go at this whole life thing this past year. With the exception of recent traces of resurgence, Verlander has been a mere shadow of himself on the mound since returning from the DL. And more disheartening are the reports of Verlander asking the 23-year-old Upton to marry him multiple times, in fear that their conflicting schedules will prove fatal for the couple.

And it got even worse for the former Cy Young award winner, as the 76-year-old ESPN analyst Dicky Vitale used Twitter as a means of expressing his thirst for the world-class supermodel after hearing rumors she was attending the Tigers vs. Rays game last night (Upton was raised in Florida).

“”You gotta think at this point, Dicky V could care less about sports and has just transformed into a full-on old man, equipped with the  ‘I’d tap that’ mindset our grandfather’s succumbed to after playing by society’s rules for 75 years. Does Dicky give a shit that Verlander had a stellar 8-inning, 4 hit outing, giving up only one run? Nope. He just wanted to see Kate Upton eating a hotdog. Preferably not even take a bite. Well, she showed up at the game, but it’s unclear whether or not Vitale got the opportunity to spit game. Regardless, it’s a long season.

  #kateupton watching #justinverlander pitch today in #tampabay #rays #detroittigers   A photo posted by @kateuptonjustinverlander on Jul 29, 2015 at 12:51pm PDT

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Dicky only cares about his Dicky.

She looks petrified, Dick. Petrified.

[h/t Busted Coverage]

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.