I’m supposed to encourage you to enter DraftKings NFL week 7 contest.
I’m supposed to entice you with their massive $6 million prize pool.
I’m supposed to inform you that for the small price of a few cold lagers, you could take home the $1 million first place check that’s bigger than your mother.
I’m supposed to notify you that the first 75,000 scores win money guaranteed.
I’m supposed to remind you that you spent $20 to buy that girl with a boyfriend a fancy cocktail at the bar, and now you’re hung up on spending $20 to potentially change your life forever?
I’m supposed to smack you in the head and tell you to get your priorities in order.
With all that said, don’t enter.
I need this. Me.
My wallet is legit anorexic. I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention. I paid for lunch the other day in quarters. I’ve been wearing the same underwear since Tuesday because laundry is an unnecessary expense. I can’t go on any Tinder dates because I can’t pay for a few casual drinks. Which means I can’t get laid. So I’ve been reduced to beating my meat like it owes me money. It’s nice to be on the delivering end of that equation for once–AIN’T THAT RIGHT, LANDLORD?!
But, if you must, here are the goddamn contest details.
- Entry = $20
- It starts on Sunday, October 25th at 1:00 PM EST.
- Salary Cap Style Drafting. $50,000 to select 9 spots. 8 players and 1 defense.
- Roster Format: 1 QB, 2 RB, 3 WR, 1 TE, 1 Flex and 1 Defense
Or don’t.