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Ah fantasy football–breathing the last breath into dying college friendships since 1962. Or probably another date that I didn’t just make up. But seriously, I’ve been invited to weddings I had no business being invited to due based on a friendship with the groom that’s entirely founded upon fantasy football banter. Half the time, I don’t even know the brides’ names. Turns out, if you just enthusiastically say ‘There she is!’ before giving her a hug, you can usually escape unscathed.
Among the many perks fantasy football provides for the members of any given league is the all-encompassing joy of delivering a punishment to the league loser. If being losing money and the respect of your peers wasn’t punishment enough, being forced into a 5-minute standup set about airplane food is about as good for the ego as a piss test is for Josh Gordon.
In any event, one intrepid league decided the fate of its loser should be left up to a Wheel of Defeat–containing 10 separate punishments that each member of the league sent into the commissioner at the beginning of the season. Andreas, a league member, sent us the punishments that found their way onto the wheel. They are glorious.
1. Loser must take the ACT
2. Loser must go to a WNBA game by himself and take selfies with the scoreboard to prove they were there
3. Loser wears a male romper for 24 hours and must go wherever the league chooses for the entire 24 hours
4. Loser gets a calendar made of himself, each month determined by a non-losing league member.
5. Loser must take winner out to dinner wherever the winner chooses. Loser must pay
6. Loser must put on a “I lost my fantasy league” license plate for the entire year
7. Loser puts truck nuts on his car for the entire year (can NOT say its for a lost bet)
8. Loser gets a henna tattoo as a tramp stamp
9. Loser must buy the entire league beer and wings
10. Loser takes 3 selfies a day and must post to his snap story. Loser can not mention or tell anyone its due to a lost bet/lost league. If he does, he must spin the wheel again.
Check out the wheel below and scroll over for the spin.
The final punishment: Loser gets a calendar made of himself.
Each member of the league gets a respective month (1st 2nd and 3rd get two months). Loser must pose doing whatever each person wants wherever they want (assless chaps, banana thong, etc…) for each month of 2018. Starting January 1st, the loser must hang their calendar up at work for the entire year. The page must be up-to-date with the respective date. We will have co-workers do spot-checks throughout the year.
Any calendar ideas for the league members to impose on this poor bastard? Let them fly!
P.S. If it’s of any consolation to the loser of the league, you could have been this dude who had to spend a night in Nevada’s World Famous Clown Motel. I wouldn’t mind losing all my friends over hard passing on that.