Check Out This Grown Ass Man Hysterically Crying In The Stands After Michigan Shit The Bed Last Night

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Don’t get me wrong, I am emotionally invested in sports. Like way more than I should be. I didn’t eat the whole day after the Patriots lost the first Super Bowl to the Giants on the helmet catch. But fuck, man. Pull it together. Don’t you have a wife? Kids? A job? Aren’t you able to find meaning elsewhere. Ya it was a heart wrenching loss, but sobbing in the stands over a regular season college football game like a fucking sally is just another level of pathetic. Button it up, bro. To give you some perspective: half of these kids your spilling your emotions over aren’t even legally eligible to drink a beer. They probably wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire. And here you are making the rounds on the internet because you’re invested in a  team who wouldn’t throw you a life vest if you were drowning in your own tears. Bitch.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.