Zenit St. Petersburg’s best player is named Hulk because when you do stuff like this, you can call yourself Hulk and people have to take you seriously.
Actually, if you can do things like this, you can probably call yourself something lame — like Gary — and it would sound cool.
Unfortunately for the awesomely named Hulk, Borussia Dortmund rebounded to win on aggregate, eliminating St. Pete from the Champions League.