I live in a suburb of Atlanta that is particularly known for the high number of swingers who live here. No joke. A bunch of middle aged people get together every weekend and everyone bangs each other. It’s common knowledge that this happens, and there’s even a code to figure out if someone is “down” or not.
If you’ve got a pineapple sitting on your porch, or you place a pineapple in a certain position and spot in your grocery cart, you’re down with someone coming over and fucking your wife.
Atlanta is a fucked up place.
Because of all these swingers, I can’t help but associate one of my favorite moves in the gym with them. The kettlebell swing.
The kettlebell swing goes well with swingers for 2 main reasons.
- We’re talking about swinging. Swingers, swing, swinging. Get it?
- Done properly, the kettlebell swing looks like you’re violently having sex while a cannon ball is getting thrown between your legs.
The kettlebell swing is one of the most underutilized, but most effective moves that can be done in the gym. It’s also one of the most screwed up moves there is.
Do it right, and it’s a choice exercise to hit a ton of different muscles, jack up your heart rate, build strength, increase athleticism, and get you a good cardio workout. Done wrong, it’s a quick way to throw out your lower back.
How to do it right?
Much like there’s probably an art to swinging, there is an art to kettlebell swinging. Also much like swinging, kettlebell swinging is all in the hips. Too many people squat when they do it, which is all sorts of screwed up. You don’t squat when you have sex – okay you might, but jive with me right now, and you shouldn’t squat when you swing.
Neghar Fonooni, kettlebell badass, fitness professional, and wife to Bro – King John Romaniello, does an excellent example of what a good kettlebell swing should look like here. That’s some serious hip action.
A few tips:
- The kettlebell shouldn’t ever go below your knees during the move.
- It shouldn’t go above your eyeballs. There are some versions where people bring it up overhead, but this can cause the shoulders to disengage and put you in a vulnerable position.
- You should squeeze your ass HARD at the top of the movement. Doing this makes sure you wind up standing in a straight line and engaging your ass muscles.
Why do the kettlebell swing?
The kettlebell swing is one of the few movements in the gym that combines explosiveness, cardio, and works an entire side of your body.
The kettlebell swing has a badass cousin in the weight room, the deadlift. Both moves do an excellent job of working the entire posterior chain, or every single muscle on the backside of your body. It’s a good alternative to the deadlift at times thanks to the explosive nature, and the fact you’ll be using much lighter loads.
Because of that explosiveness the kettlebell swing is an excellent tool to get in some cardio, while doing your strength training. It also does an excellent job of working the ass muscles, and making you better at the sex – because of that thrusting action.
How to start incorporating the kettlebell swing:
The swing is a versatile movement that can get thrown into any sort of program. Hell Dan John, one of the most respected strength and conditioning coaches of all time has a program that incorporates 10,000 kettlebell swings. People who go through it usually wind up stronger, leaner, and much more athletic.
For most beginners it’s wise to start off with a lighter kettlebell, usually in the 30-40lb range until they get the hang of it.
Beginners also shouldn’t be swinging over 10-15 reps for the first few weeks, until they’ve developed the necessary comfort with the movement pattern and endurance in the hips and lower back. Otherwise going too hard, too fast could result in injury. Kind of like winding up with a broken dick if you try putting a pineapple on your doorstep when you’ve only had sex a few times before.
Once you’re comfortable with the movement, you’re free to start incorporating the swing into your workouts. You can use it in the beginning as a warm up to get the whole body going, at the end as a part of a conditioning round, or in the middle of your workout to take your workouts to the next level.
Swing with caution bros, and be careful where you place your pineapples.