Lana And Rusev Break-Up Got Really Ugly — In Related News, She Looks Super Hot When On The Verge Of Tears

Monday Night Raw was in Richmond, Virginia this week and is fresh off the heels of Payback. Here’s five important things you missed from the May 18th edition in this week’s Raw Recap.

Rusev & Lana have a domestic dispute

Right out of the gate, Rusev says that there will be no Lana tonight and that Lana needs to learn her place. Rusev explains that Lana doesn’t speak for him and that Lana quit, not him. Rusev says that he beat John Cena down until he was unconscious in the ring and that he wants the match to restart right now! Lana makes her way to the ring and says that she wants to explain who Rusev really is.

Lana says that she believes in Rusev and that she believes that Rusev is misunderstood. Lana says that she honestly thought Rusev would be the one to make John Cena say “I quit.” Lana explains that she cares for Rusev and that she was doing what was best for them. Rusev flips out and says that there is no “us” and calls Lana pathetic and disgusting and dismisses her saying he doesn’t need her anymore.

Here’s more of Lana look fine in her all white…

Oddly enough, that EXACT conversation is how my last relationship ended…but in that equation, I was Lana and the girl was Rusev.

A Fringe and a Face of Fear

Backstage! Triple H and Stephanie are taking to Kane and Seth Rollins enters celebrating with champagne and even gives Kane a glass of champagne, because it’s May 19th Eve!! Dean Ambrose crashes the party and says that he’s beaten Rollins one on one multiple times and that he should have a one on one title match with him. Kane says that it’s up to the champion to decide who he will face next and Rollins tells Ambrose to head to the back of the line with Reigns and Orton. Rollins leaves Ambrose and Kane alone and Ambrose says that he always knew that Kane was neutered but seeing it up close is just depressing. Ambrose says that The Undertaker and Paul Bearer have to be ashamed of what Kane has become until Kane finally snaps and makes Dean Ambrose VS Bray Wyatt later in the show!

Tag Team-mania

New Day against Tyson Kidd & Cesaro kicks off with New Day explaining that Xavier Woods is banned from ringside and that they shouldn’t have to defend their Tag Titles in an Elimination Chamber match…but who cares what they think, that match is going to be awesome!! The referee eventually loses control of Big E and Kofi Kingston get disqualified. Xavier Woods runs to the ring and helps The New Day attack Cesaro and Tyson Kidd which leads to The Lunchable Dragons to enter the fray, which leads to Los Matadores to run in, which leads to The Ascension storming the ring, which leads to The Prime Time Players hauling ass to the ring to clear house and stand tall. We’re then told that The New Day, Kidd/Cesaro, Lucha Dragons, Ascension, Prime Time Players & Los Matadores will all be in the Tag Team Title Elimination Chamber match. Buh..buh…but where’s Harper and Rowan? Hashtag frowny face.

Kevin! Owens!

During the John Cena United States Open Mic Challenge, Cena comes out and is walking as if he had the night off for Payback. John Cena blah blah blahs and derp derps all over again and gets the open challenge started. Kevin Owens answers the call and the internet gives a collective…

I’m not even going to try and capture the magic that Kevin Owens and John Cena had in the ring together bantering back and forth, just go back and watch the interaction between them. Kevin Owens doesn’t accept the challenge but gives Cena a helluva powerbomb. Again, go back and watch that whole segment!! Here’s how Owens’ own son reacted to the moment. 

Architect of a Dream

To close the show, Trips, Steph, & Kane stand in the ring and Stephanie explains that we will celebrate Seth Rollins right here and right now. AND YOU KNOW THIS IS A BIG DEAL BECAUSE THE BIG RED CARPET IS IN THE RING!!!

Triple H says that Seth Rollins has lived up to everything that they saw in him back in NXT. Trips has a heartfelt moment and says that he sees The Cerebral Assassin in Seth Rollins and that he got goosebumps when Rollins used the Pedigree at Payback. Triple H says that everyone in The Authority is going to say a few words about Seth and things get started with Kane. Kane understands that they’ve never seen eye to eye, because Kane is a foot taller than Seth, and that he is best for business. Seth asks “is that all?” and Kane presents a video package of Seth Rollins.

Jamie Noble takes the mic and says that Triple H and Stephanie made the right choice in picking Seth and that it has been an honor protecting him and the WWE Championship. Dean Ambrose crashes the party and apologizes for being late and gives Rollins another opportunity to face him for the WWE Championship. Stephanie asks who the hell he thinks he is interrupting this celebration and tries to sick Rollins on Ambrose.

Ambrose attacks Seth and J & J Security quickly get involved until Ambrose takes them out. Ambrose reveals a stack of cinder blocks and holds Rollins’ head hostage on the cinder blocks until Stephanie finally gives in and says that Ambrose can have a WWE Championship match against Rollins. J & J Security and Kane try to get Ambrose under control to no avail. Rollins weasels back in the ring and delivers a Pedigree to Ambrose to cap off the Architect of a Dream celebration.

As for the rest of the show…

OPENING SEGMENT: Triple H and Stephanie McMahon make their return to Monday Night Raw and discuss how it feels good to have a winner within The Authority. Trips and Steph say that it’s obvious now that they made a solid choice for the future of the WWE and it’s time for the WWE Universe to accept that. Stephanie says that Roman Reigns, Randy Orton, and Dean Ambrose have to go to the back of the line now as The Authority celebrates Seth Rollins: The Architect of a Dream, which sounds like the name of a terrible romantic comedy movie. Stephanie then reveals the vacant Intercontinental Championship and runs down Daniel Bryan for chopping berries and picking wood, or something. The Intercontinental Championship will be up for grabs IN The Elimination Chamber match AT Elimination Chamber ON Eliminati…er, uh, I mean, on May 31st. Sheamus interrupts and the 3 kiss each other’s arses until Sheamus says there is no need to put the Intercontinental Championship up for grabs because he should just be given the title for being the one to take out Daniel Bryan last month. Ryback barrels to the ring like a Blastoise and explains to Sheamus that Daniel Bryan has more heart and passion than Sheamus ever will. Triple H and Steph say that both Sheamus and Ryback will compete in the Elimination Chamber, but RIGHT NOW, they will compete against each other!!

Sheamus DEFEATS Ryback Sheamus plays the cowardly heel to a fired up Ryback pretty well during this match. Ryback eventually bounces Sheamus off the announce table then tosses him into a post. Sheamus acts as if something is in his eye and then explodes with a Brogue Kick out of the corner! Sheamus’ eye magically heals…or should I say, heels!? THANK YOU! THANK YOU!!! Tip your waitress!

Back in the ring! Renee Young welcomes Neville for an interview. Neville explains that he loves proving people wrong and that when he’s flying through the air, he’s 10 feet tall and is unstoppable. Bo Dallas comes out and talks about how Neville is like the little engine that couldn’t. Neville says that in NXT, when he became the longest NXT Champion he BO-LIEVES it was Bo Dallas that he beat to do that and OH SNAP! Bo then goes on the attack on Neville and attacks his knee, Neville quickly tosses him from the ring, which brings out King Barrett.

King Barrett DEFEATS Neville Barrett keeps the onslaught going on Neville’s knee. Neville’s knee buckles countless times until King Barrett pulls a quick Bull Hammer out to pick up the win! After the match, Bo Dalls attacks Neville’s knee like a little Chihuahua nipping at your heels. Looks like Bo Dallas is gonna get a little push back into being relevant again.

Bray Wyatt DEFEATS Dean Ambrose. Anytime Dean Ambrose and Bray Wyatt lock up it’s a good time for anyone watching. This is one of those fun matches that you just have to go back and watch if you can because these two just gel so well together! The match comes to a strange end when Joey Mercury tries to distract the referee and Jamie Noble pushes Ambrose off the top rope directly into Sister Abigail. That sounds sexual.

Dolph Ziggler DEFEATS Stardust. Dolph Ziggler surprisingly makes quick work out of Stardust after Stardust tries to target the injured eye of Ziggler. After the match Michael Cole informs Ziggler that he will be final entrant in the Elimination Chamber. Lana makes her way to the ring, all smiles, and delivers a kiss to Ziggler. The two stand around for an awkward amount of time, obviously waiting for Rusev who missed his cue. Rusev finally heads to the ring and assaults Ziggler. Rusev screams at Lana until she finally winds up and smacks him right across the mouth. Rusev becomes irate and Ziggler sneaks up and lands the Zig Zag on Rusev.

Luke Harper & Erick Rowan DEFEAT Fandango & Zack Ryder. I’m SO happy to see Harper and Rowan back together again. These two big brutes just mesh so well together and I’m still hoping that these two somehow find their way into the Elimination Chamber tag match.

Nikki Bella/Naomi (Diva’s Championship Match). Prior to the match, Stephanie McMahon says that Brie has some counseling sessions by request of Stephanie due to Daniel Bryan going through so much lately. Tamina gets involved and causes a DQ which leads to Naomi and Tamina beating down Nikki Bella. Paige makes her return and clears the ring of Naomi and Tamina then delivers the RamPaige to Nikki Bella. THIS IS HER HOOOUSE!!

Until next week…

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Everyone have a blessed May 19th!!

Follow Adam Lucidi on Twitter @adamlucidi