Matt Harvey’s Sadness After Being Unable To Find Any Sunflower Seeds Pretty Much Sums Up His Entire Season

By 06.29.16
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I’m First Team All-American of the Matt Harvey Fan Club, but he has had a rough year. Last night’s loss put him at 4-10 for the season and had him pulled in the fourth inning. Sure, the dude bangs supermodels and can’t deny having threesomes but, also, the dude dedicated his life to baseball. He can stick dick in whatever he wants, but if he’s throwing lollipops and getting sent to dugout every time he takes the mound, that sex is like a reverse Sour Patch Kid. It’s starts off sweet, but then all of his emotional floodgates open and he remembers how horribly his life is going, and then it’s sour. Powering through sex when your heart is full of disappointment is reserved for bloggers whose mom keeps badgering them about supplying her grandchildren, not professional baseball players.

So it seems that Harvey has attempted to turn to other means of burying his deep-seated feelings of anger and self-hatred, namely sunflower seeds. Which I guess was going ok until he got pulled from the game last night and found his stash was gone.

That’s the face of true sadness. I feel bad for however he plopped his dick inside of last night. That was probably not enjoyable.

[h/t The Big Lead]


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