I’ve never been up there, but from down here amongst the lowly pleebs of the world, it looks pretty lonely at the top. Once you get past all the smoking hot babes and adoring fans just hurling money at your feet for you to do whatever you want with, it’s pretty much just you, yourself and more of you. So, when really famous people completely ass out, plummet from their societal high and crash land amongst us peasants, I assume it’s from loneliness and a need for human interaction/normalcy. Which is probably what former MLB pitcher Jean Machi was going for here.
Via Des Moines Register:
“Right-hander Jean Machi was arrested for public intoxication and urinating in public in the 200 block of Third Street in Des Moines.
Machi, 34, was booked in the Polk County Jail at 2:01 a.m.
According to a police report obtained by the Register, Machi was spotted urinating on the bumper of a car owned by an employee of the Stuffed Olive. The employee asked Machi to stop urinating on his car but he continued. Machi asked the employee if he wanted to fight over it, the report said.
The report says that Machi, who is living in Saylor Township, denied urinating on the car to police. The right-hander had a 3.68 ERA and 2-1 mark in 29.1 innings of work with Iowa this season. An Iowa Cubs spokesperson said Machi was released prior to his arrest. He last appeared in a game for the I-Cubs on Tuesday.
Machi has appeared in 189 MLB games during the course of four seasons with the San Francisco Giants and Boston Red Sox. He was a part of San Francisco’s World Series title team in 2014.”
Ok so maybe he was already slowly climbing down from the top, but whatever, this just solidified things for him. No better way to end up back amongst the us cow-folk than by getting handcuffs slapped on your wrist after threatening to fight a dude because you’re pissing on his car. Also, how was he going to deny that? “Yeah, I threatened to fight him because he was mad at me for pissing on his car. But also, I definitely didn’t piss on his car. I will not fess to that.” I’m still pretty convinced that he did this on purpose. There are just too many things here that are directly his fault for this to be a misunderstanding. But this is real low. Does this maybe put him below us regular-folk? Maybe he’s looking up at us all right now, thinking “Fuck, I went too far. I went way too far. Now I’m lonely again, and at the bottom.” How sad is that? Chin up, Jean, we all stumble once in awhile. Most of us just aren’t decently professional baseball players. We can get away with more. Beauty of being talentless? Anonymity.