In an era where sports teams and leagues are trying all sorts of tricks to get fans to buy jerseys—you know, like nicknames on the backs of NBA tops—the NHL did the single-most worst thing in the history of uniform designs for this year’s All-Star Game in Nashville, releasing the most boring and plain pieces of shit I’ve ever seen.
The only thing more boring than the simple, black, white and yellow color scheme with the NHL shield across the middle front is sex where neither person actually wants to be there in bed together, but feel like it’s something to do to waste a few minutes.
Here’s the awful reasoning the league gave for why the went with the approach, via NHL.com:
The black and white color scheme in each jersey shares the colors of the keys on a piano to celebrate the city of Nashville’s “Music City” nickname.
So, congratulations, NHL, you’re All-Star Game jerseys are the equivalent to parent sex that lasts about 180 seconds.