Oscar Pistorius Could Be Out Of Jail In August And Wants To Work With Children–So Hide Your Kids, Hide Your Wife

Former Olympian Oscar Pistorius was sentenced to five years in jail after killing his model girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp, through a locked bathroom door on Valentine’s Day 2013. The shamed athlete was cleared of murder but was convicted of culpable homicide, maintaining he believes he thought Steenkamp was an intruder just taking a dump in his bathroom.

The 28-year-old South African could be released as early as August as South African law states one is eligible for parole after serving 10 months in prison, according to his lawyers. When free, he hopes to work with children “in whatever opportunity comes up.”

One of his lawyers, Robert Kruger, said:

“He is managing in jail, he’s isolated but hanging in and praying to keep up his strength. He is keen to become involved in assisting children in whatever opportunity comes up. His legal team are trying to help with this and sort a job.”

Many people are outraged at the royal treatment Pistorius is receiving in the hospital wing of prison, given extra comforts and gourmet meals. Lawyers report that Pistorius is lonely and spends most of his time reading the Bible and praying. Yaaaa, sure. What’s his jerk off count at? I’m going to take the over on 239,399,921.

Barry Roux, Oscar’s solicitor, told the Sunday Mirror:

“The parole conditions will be at their discretion, don’t drink, go to church, no drugs, he’ll have a psychological programme, an anger management course. They will set the parameters and he will keep to them.He will leave prison in three months time and wherever he goes he will be Oscar Pistorius. There is no way a man as famous as him can change his name.He will have to lift his head, and take it on the chin.”

‘The Blade Runner’ isn’t completely out of the woods, as he could still be convicted of murder since a judge granted permission for the state to appeal Oscar Pistorius’s murder trial verdict.

But if released, I can’t imagine families will be chomping at the bit to enroll their kids in ‘Oscar Pistorius Day Care.’ Especially not if Antoine Dodson has anything to do with it.

[H/T Unilad]

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.