Patriots vs. Giants: The Players-as-Movie Characters Showdown

by 6 years ago

The Patriots

Tom Brady Will Hunting

Tom Brady as Will Hunting in 'Good Will Hunting'

Both are unassuming Joe's (6th-round pick, janitor) until a happy accident (Drew Bledsoe's injury, solving the chalkboard problem) led to them getting discovered as touchdown-throwing and equation-cracking savants, respectively. How do you like dem apples? Both have a crew of tough guys willing to do violence on their behalf, but they can get hot headed and lose their cool with them. Each has a mentor (Bill Belichick, Robin Williams) that pushes them to and past their potential and to whom they grow extremely close to. And I can only hope that Brady's last words to Bridget Moynahan were, “I have to go see about a girl.”

Wes Welker Mickey Ward

Wes Welker as Micky Ward from 'The Fighter'

At first glance, both these tough white guys seem too undersized to be going up against their freakish opponents (most NFL defenses, Arturo Gatti), but they both end up with the knockout. Both are from underwhelming backgrounds (undrafted from Texas Tech, streets of Lowell, Mass.), and they’ve carved out reputations as scrappy fighters. Welker is never afraid to go over the middle and take a pounding, just like Ward used to eat punches like cornflakes.

Gronkowski Hernandez Boondock Saints

Rob Gronkowski and Aaron Hernandez as the MacManus Brothers from 'Boondock Saints'

In a league filled with diva wide receivers, the Patriots have put on their own display of vigilante justice with the twin terrors of Rob Gronkowski and Aaron Hernandez at tight end. They leave opposing defenses looking like the Russian mob massacre at the hotel, and clearly have a lot of fun doing it (see also: Bibi Jones). Will they be able to put on the same display in Indy as the MacManuses did at Papa Joe’s trial?

vince wilfork whitey powers

Vince Wilfork as Sergeant Whitey Powers from 'Mystic River'
The role of defensive tackle and police investigator is similar: get to the objective (Eli Manning, Katie’s killer). Wilfork, a hard-nosed vet from the U who will stop at nothing to get into the backfield, and Powers, a tough cop from Boston who is not afraid to ask the hard questions, both have a personal stake in their goals (seeking revenge on the Giants, having Katie’s uncle as a partner). If Wilfork has his way, the Giants' backfield will be chewed up and tossed into Mystic River (err, White River) on Sunday.

Chad Ochocinco Sean Dignan

Chad Ochocinco as Staff Sergeant Dignam from 'The Departed'

Brash, loudmouthed trash talkers, both these guys have a propensity to piss people off and speak their mind. Both did a disappearing act in the last part of their respective films (15 receptions and 1 touchdown this entire season, not popping up until the final scene), but there’s always a chance that Ochocinco could show some of that flash he did in Cincinnati and show up out of nowhere to blow the Giants' f*cking heads off on Sunday.

bill belichick frank costello

Bill Belichick as Frank Costello from 'The Departed'

Scowling, legendary genius Belichick oversees the cartel of the Patriots with the same iron fist that Costello uses to run his crime syndicate. Clearly neither has a problem subverting the law (Spygate, countless illegal rackets) and both use a healthy dose of subterfuge in achieving their goals (Belichick’s legendary injury reports, using double agents). It wouldn’t surprise me one bit if Roger Goodell’s blind eye to Belichick’s ways has something to do with being a protected informant.

See the Giants' cinematic lineup on the next page…{pagebreak}

The Giants

Eli Manning Michael Corleone

Eli Manning as Michael Corleone in 'The Godfather'

Eli, like Michael, is the youngest son of a storied family. While initially overshadowed by their older brothers (Peyton, Sonny), both ended up making their own mark on the family name. With catastrophic injuries to their brothers (neck surgery, lit up at the toll booth like a Christmas tree), Eli now has the chance to perhaps take over as Don of the Mannings, if he picks up something that Peyton doesn’t: a second ring.

Jason Pierre-Paul Agent J

Jason Pierre-Paul as Agent J from 'Men in Black'

Both recruited for their athletic gifts (All-American at South Florida, running down a Cephalopoid on foot), JPP takes down quarterbacks with power and bursts like he was shot out of the Noisy Cricket. Neither was in New York very long before making their presence felt (All-Pro in second season, saving the Arquillian galaxy on his first mission). The difference between JPP and most pass rushers? He makes this look good.

victor cruz mike mcdermott

Victor Cruz as Mike McDermott in 'Rounders'

Off to rocky starts in their careers (undrafted out of UMass, losing his whole bankroll to Teddy KGB), both ended up sticking with their chosen careers (signed by the Giants, playing poker to get Worm out of debt) and ultimately experienced breakout performances (1,536 yards and 9 touchdowns, beating Teddy KGB in a heads-up game).

hakeem nicks steve lucas

Hakeem Nicks as Steve Lucas from 'American Gangster'

A preordained star, unlike many others on this list, Nicks was a first-round draft pick out of North Carolina, whereas Steve Lucas gave up a promising baseball career to follow in the footsteps of crime lord Uncle Frank. Both got their wishes — Nicks establishing himself as a premier wideout and Lucas rising fast through the drug trade. Nicks is looking to make his Super Bowl debut the Giants’ own version of Blue Magic. Let’s just hope that Nicks doesn’t follow former Giants Super Bowl WR Plaxico Burress and Lucas to their next stops: full of bullets.

ahmad bradshaw brandon jacobs gangs of new york

Brandon Jacobs and Ahmad Bradshaw as Amsterdam Vallon and Bill the Butcher in 'Gangs of New York'

Thunder and Lightning: the Giants hit defenses with these two like Amsterdam Vallon and Bill the Butcher hit the streets of New York. While maybe not quite as contentious as the blood feud between Vallon’s immigrant mob and Butcher’s gang, things haven’t been all sunshine and rainbows in the Giants backfield either. Flip flopping between starter and backup have led both backs to air out their discontent with their roles at different times.

tom coughlin gordon gekko

Tom Coughlin as Gordon Gekko in 'Wall Street'

Intense and smart, Coughlin and Gekko are both tough taskmasters that thrive in their high-pressure jobs (coaching in the New York spotlight, corporate raiding). Even with all their respective successes (a Super Bowl ring, millions of dollars in profits), each are seemingly always a step away from falling from the top (getting fired after a tough three-game slide, going to prison for insider trading). Let’s hope that Coughlin’s Super Bowl sequel goes over a little better than “Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps.”

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