RELAX. I’m not here to rain on the Peyton parade, even though my fellow BroBible editors think I’m posting this because I’m a spiteful, butt hurt Patriots fan who saw his own legendary quarterback undergo a meticulous character assault over soft footballs perpetuated by the manufactured outrage machine that is social media.
I assure you that this is not sour grapes post.
I actually have a lot of respect for Peyton and his brand. I will speak highly about him to my children before telling them that visitation rights are up and to tell mommy her new boyfriend is ugly.
I am a curator of information, by trade. My job is to bring relevant information to you bros while trying to avoid being called a “pussy” in the comment section. And while we’re all riding the Peyton Manning deep throat train and actively avoiding HGH talk like an STD test, I thought I’d relay a pretty significant Peyton story from 1996 that would have dismantled his flawless image if social media existed. Just like it did to another legendary quarterback with twice as many Super Bowl wins.
And no, I didn’t search the archives to devise a smear campaign to knock Manning down a few notches, I was reminded of this story organically while watching the post-game celebration with a few friends last night.
Here’s how it went down:
Peyton: I have a couple of priorities first. I want to kiss my wife and kids. I want to hug my family. I’m going to drink a lot of Budweiser tonight, I promise you that.
Clueless Girls I Watched The Game With: Aww he seems like a real gent.
Me (crying while masturbating to a picture of Tom Brady in Uggs): *under breath* Ya besides him rubbing his taint on another human’s face.
My Dude Friend Who Doesn’t Know Much About Football But Who Screams Stats So You Think He Does: MATT IS MAKING UP SHIT BECAUSE HIS QB IS A CHEATER.
Me: Keep eating that french onion dip, bro. I jizzed in it while you were in the bathroom.
I refuse to be called a liar.
Here is the story that broke in September 2014, describing an event in 1996 when Peyton was a junior at the University of Tennessee, as told in court documents by a female athletic trainer who was allegedly victimized.
Via The Big Lead,
she was examining Manning to see why Manning was having pain in one of his feet and was crouched behind him when “entirely unprovoked, Peyton Manning decided to pull down his shorts and sit on Dr. Naughright’s head and face.”
As Naughright described it in a deposition entered into the court record: “It was the gluteus maximus, the rectum, the testicles and the area in between the testicles. And all that was on my face when I pushed him up. … To get leverage, I took my head out to push him up and off.”
Directly after the incident, the trainer reported it to the Sexual Assault Crisis Center in Knoxville. She reached a settlement with the University in 1997 and left Knoxville.
Again, not here to tarnish legacies or dilute Manning’s achievements, but I stand with the woman who probably has haunting nightmares of Peyton Manning’s taint. I can almost taste it. On my tongue.
People change. People mature.
But those slightly deflated footballs. That shit is unforgivable.
[h/t The Big Lead]