Phoenix Suns’ Dancer Eats Shit Trying To Do A Backflip In Front Of 18,000 People

By 10.31.16

I’m certainly not one who’s qualified to tell you how to live your life, but if you asked me my two cents, I’d tell you that if you’re going to attempt a backflip in front of thousands of people, make sure you’ve run through a practice round or two. Are the Suns’ dancers on strike or something? I say this because the dude who tried it first wasn’t exactly Simone Biles either. I know they’re winless and an abortion to watch, but you’d think there’s a couple athletes in the Greater Phoenix area who have a vertical leap that allows for you to slide a piece of computer paper under. Not being able to do a backflip as a team dancer is the equivalent of not being able to throw spiral as a quarterback. It’s Dancing 101. All job requirements include clapping your hands, shooting a t-shirt gun, and doing a backflip. Button it up, Phoenix. Actually, don’t. Please don’t. I want this dude in a neck brace by the All Star break.

When you try to turn your life around but quickly realize you don’t have the will power.

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