Watch Baylor Defensive End Shawn Oakman Perform Insane 40-Inch Box Jump While Holding 70-Pound Dumbbells

You even lift, bro?

You wouldn’t be able to slide a sheet of paper under my feet if I tried to jump while holding 70-pound dumbbells, never mind jumping almost three and a half feet in the air. That’s like almost four of my flaccid penises. Amazing. But then again, I’m not a projected first-round draft pick who can do things like this:

Shawn, he’s already dead. No need to stomp on his grave.

It looks like Shawn’s training for his senior season at Baylor is progressing, um, decently.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m on my last set on bicep curling these pink weights.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.