Steve Austin Proposed A Match With Brock Lesnar At WrestleMania And Here’s Why That’s An Awful Idea

Last night, moments before the Stone Cold podcast wrapped up on the WWE Network, Paul Heyman (the character) poked a slumbering rattlesnake. Heyman asked about Stone Cold Steve Austin‘s intentions of ever getting in the ring again and if perhaps WrestleMania 32 in Stone Cold’s home state of Texas might be the perfect spot to call it a career.

Austin took the stick, broke it in half, and shoved both pieces right up Heyman’s ass. In my mind. In reality, Austin reacted as the WWE probably requested — he teased the shit out of the idea and also brought Heyman’s guy, Brock Lesnar, into the dream scenario.

Austin pitched the idea of taking on Brock Lesnar, but told Heyman that he wouldn’t be looking for a scientific wrestling match against the Lesnar. He had 3 words for Heyman – Texas Death Match. Austin says he’d whoop Lesnar’s ass and acknowledged that he was getting worked up.

Austin and Lesnar headlining WrestleMania would make the show in “the house that Jerry built” a sell-out. Vince is already worried about packing AT&T Stadium with a capacity crowd of 80K people (minus the seating area used for the entrance ramp and the seats earmarked to seat all Triple H’s Terminator bots). Lesnar and Austin will put ass in seats but it’s not what’s best for the WWE product.

Let’s assume Brock is still clocking in part time like he’s an extra lawn & garden guy on a busy summer Sunday at Home Depot and that Austin is only involved in the WWE storyline leading up to WrestleMania. One part time Pepe against a guy looking for his last ride into the sunset. Everyone in the god damn WORLD knows Austin has to go over in his last match ever, why do it against the guy who the WWE wants to keep strong for those occasional but oh so important “OH FUCK BROCK IS HERE!” moments?

If I’m penciling Brock in ANYWHERE at the next WrestleMania it will be in a rematch with the other WWE legend from Texas who’s also probably going to make next year his last — Billy Gunn. No, wait, Mark Calaway. I get those two guys confused all the time.

I do want one last match from Austin. Every fan does. WrestleMania 32 in Texas makes the most sense. Against who? Not for me to decide.

Here’s more WWE news and rumors for June 2, 2015

Sting Almost Signed With WWE In 2003 To Wrestle Stone Cold

Perhaps Austin and Sting at WrestleMania? Not the worst idea though it could have happened back in 2003 according to a new interview with the man they called Steve Borden. Sting almost signed with WWE back in 2003 just to feud with Stone Cold.

“I had been negotiating with Vince [McMahon], and one of the ideas was for me to debut at the end of WrestleMania XIX and confront ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin. Negotiations fell apart and it never happened, but it makes you wonder, ‘What if?’ That was one of the times I was talking with Vince, and it would’ve been an incredible night that would’ve translated into some major, major rivalries and match-ups for years to come.”

No Sting in WWE. No Austin feud. No rivalries for years to come. Instead, Sting signs twelve years later and this is all we get…

John Cena Brings Fan With ‘I Beat Cancer’ To The Ring

Love him or hate him, John Cena is going to heaven. Again. He’ll probably even beat God but might let him get a good one during a non-title match.

Samoa Joe Signs Full Time

Fans of Samoa Joe can get fired up, he’s signed a full time deal with the WWE. The deal is partly to do with Joe being a solid performer but mostly because money.

According to those we’ve spoken to, the immediate merchandise sales of Samoa Joe t-shirts as well as the fact that Joe’s appearances for Ring of Honor would now be broadcast on national cable TV both played into the WWE making a decision they required more from Joe, as did Joe’s performance at the WWE NXT taping last month.

Sell enough t-shirts and you’re in.

Former Member Of The Fantastics Passes Away At 54

Sad news for fans of your grandpop’s rasslin — Tommy Rogers of The Fantastics passed away at the age of 54. Condolences to family, friends and fans of the former tag team star.

Follow and disagree with Chris on Twitter @chrisilluminati.

NEXT: Kevin Owens Pretty Much Just Owns The WWE Right Now