The Dick Nick Championship: Which Athlete’s Nickname is the Best Euphemism for a Penis?

By 10.09.13

NBA Champion: #9) Marcin Gortat: “The Polish Hammer”

MLB Champion: #2) Ryan Braun*: “The Hebrew Hammer.” R.I.P. Hammer Brothers.  May you forever touch skinless tips in the Dick Nick Afterlife.

And now, what we’ve all been waiting for—

The 2013 Dick Nick Championship:

#10) Doug Martin: “The Muscle Hamster” vs. #12) Douglas Murray: “Crankshaft”

En route to the Finals, Crankshaft (#12) upset The Mule (#5), Guzzler (#4), Baby Dominator (#9), Optimus Reim (#10), and The Hebrew Hammer (#2) without batting an eye.  The Muscle Hamster faced a similarly perilous path in the form of The Milkman (#7), Megatron (#2), #6 Beast Mode (#6), Pocket Hercules (#8), and The Polish Hammer (#9).  These two warriors enter the Final a combined 10-0 against higher-ranked opponents.  Sadly for one, somebody’s “O” has to go.  

Can The Muscle Hamster burrow his way to a sixth straight upset, along with the 2013 Dick Nick Championship, or will Crankshaft continue grinding away without the slightest sign of remorse?  Without further adieu…

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