Football Player Tom Brady Responds To Nagging Media About His Thoughts On Trump Being Elected President

My grandfather used to tell me when you’re the top dawg, everyone wants to put you in the pound. That’s most certainly the case with this manufactured Tom Brady/Donald Trump love affair the media likes to drum up to validate their misguided vitriol toward a four-time Super Bowl champion. As if the eight month smear campaign for Deflategate didn’t drag this dude’s name through the mud enough.

Brady said that Donald Trump was a “good friend” once after they played a few rounds of golf together months ago. Whoopdie shit. I don’t care if you’re fucking Lena Dunham, if Donald Trump asks you to play golf, you play 36. He’d probably be fun as shit to play with too. Cheat on a few strokes, cough in your backstroke, take down a few cold beers, have a few laughs. Good fun.

But the deficiency of media is that they (we?) sometimes stick our noses up and are quick to categorically assign people to black-and-white extremes–good and bad, wrong or right–based on non-sequitors. “Oh Brady said Trump was his friend, Brady objectifies women.” It’s like no one’s allowed to have shitty friends. If you take away all my shitty friends, I’m going to be sitting alone at lunch like Stephen fucking Glansberg.

Whether Tom Brady is merely acquaintances with Donald Trump or they consistently give each other hand jobs in the steam room, Tom Brady is a football player and Donald Trump is the President-elect. Let’s let them stay in their lanes and judge them based on how they perform in their own respective arenas.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.