‘Oh Kate, How You Make Me Masturbate’ is the Most Disturbing Love Poem Ever Found in a College Dorm Room

by 4 years ago



According to the person who posted this touching poem on Imgur, “A friend got this wonderful gift from an anonymous dorm room date…”

For all we know, Kate loves this kind of shit and wants this “anonymous” date of hers to leave her gifts of rapey poetry and used condoms sprinkled about her dorm room mini-fridge. Most chicks don’t want that, but for all we know Kate does. (Note: Kate probably does not want that.)

In case you’re unable to read that small print, here is the mini fridge poem transcribed:

“Oh Kate, How You Make Me Masturbate”

Sometimes when I’m alone,

I just stop and think

About your slutty pussy

And its perfect shade of pink

In my dream I tie you down

And thrust until it hurts

And then I look straight into your eyes

And make you fucking squirt

So girl let’s skip the prom

And make my dream come true

I don’t care if you say no

Because I’m stronger than you

I’ll fuck you hard all night long

Until the light of day

I’ll smash my knob into your ass

And turn your pussy to purée

If you want to scream for help

Trust me, I’ll take note

But you can’t say shit

With my dick inside your throat

So I’ll rub until your clit chafes

It’ll be all raw and red

But good luck getting away

When you’re tied to the bed

I’ll see how many fingers

I can fit inside your cunt

Not 1, not 2, not 3 or 4

But 5 I’ll take and punt

Just writing this makes me hard

I think I’ll have a wank

And when I cum, I’ll store my jizz

Inside this fridge sperm bank

Kate, I’m really not a creep

Don’t think I’m the pits

You mean so very much to me

Just let me cum on your tits?


I wish I had more context to this story, but alas, I do not. If anyone has any more information regarding this situation, if Kate was stoked to find this poem, or what college it happened at, hit me up on Twitter.

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[H/T Elite Daily via Imgur]

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