N. Arizona University Sorority Girl Breaks Into A House, Strips, Assaults Police And Has LOTS Of Drugs In Her Pockets
Before I begin I would like to say that the source this story originated from, the Arizona Daily Sun, did not identify Makena Marie Haydon, 20, as a student at Northern Arizona University. They didn’t identify her as a sorority girl either. All that information came from Total Frat Move, but if you look up her name on Facebook you’ll see that a Makena Haydon does indeed attend Northern Arizona University and is in Alpha Omicron Pi.
In other words, it would seriously suck for Makena if there just happens to be 2 people with her name running around that part of Arizona: one who assaults police while carrying around drugs in her pockets, and one who’s just a chill girl who happens to be in a sorority.
What are the chances of that, you ask? I don’t know. I barely made it through pre-calc in college, go find someone who has their multiplication tables past 4 memorized (aka not me).
Makena Haydon was reportedly arrested last week after barging into a stranger’s house, ripping all her clothes off and then assaulting a police officer. Oh, and because you need at least 5 cards for a flush she also reportedly shouted at the poor guy whose house she broke into “AM I PRETTY?” while jumping on his bed. Yes, I know that’s only 4 cards. The 5th card in our game of poker is that police found loads of marijuana filling her pants pockets.
According to the police report, the victim called police around 4 p.m. Friday after a young woman he did not know ran into his apartment when someone there opened the door. The suspect ran into a bedroom, started jumping on the bed, took off all her clothes, started shouting “am I pretty?” and refused to leave.
When officers arrived, they saw the suspect standing on an exterior second-floor balcony completely naked and yelling incoherently. She put on her underwear, then launched her body into an officer who was climbing the stairs toward her.
The officer was able to catch his balance and place the suspect in handcuffs…
….When officers retrieved her clothing, they found two of her pant pockets filled with marijuana.(Via)
Clearly, Makena was on some weeeeeeiiird shit and not just marijuana. Meth? Angel Dust? A double-stuffed Quesarito from Chipotle? Who knows. The Quesarito is my pick of the lot though, because who in their right mind puts extra meat into a burrito wrapped with a quesadilla? That’s either insanity or you’re a masochist looking for a rough bowel movement the next morning.
As for Makena, she was charged with a fucking cornucopia of stuff, so lemme whip out my bullet points real quick for this:
- Indecent exposure
- Disorderly conduct
- Criminal damage
- Misdemeanor marijuana possession
- Resisting arrest
- Aggravated assault of a law enforcement officer
Lesson of the day? Don’t double stuff your Quesaritos…I think. I’m not good with morals because I have none.