The 10 Girls You Meet at Every Bar

by 7 years ago

1. The Easy One

Everyone’s met this girl a thousand times at any bar anywhere in the world. This is a guy’s ideal bar companion after 2 am. Before then, you’ll just be annoyed by how easy this chick is and how many Bro’s have come before you.
Probability of Hooking Up: 98% (take her home but, for God’s sake, wrap it up)

2. The Hidden Freak

This girl will often go unnoticed, but little do you know, she has the potential to be the most fun. Guys keep your eyes open for this little firecracker. She will be casually sitting with her friends on the outskirts of the dance floor, or just outside where all the action is. She will give looks of disapproval towards the “easy ones,” but is mostly just annoyed that she is not getting any attention. Finally a drunken dude will use her as a last resort at the end of the night. This guy is in for a big surprise and will have much to brag about the next day. Hidden freaks are usually converted into girlfriends pretty quickly. 

Probability of Hooking Up: 48% (Just like hidden treasure)

3. The Bro Babe

This girl can be super hot or relatively atrocious. It doesn’t really matter. She’s just one of the guys. She doesn’t order Cosmos or Vodka Cranberrys, she orders Bud Light and knows just as much about sports as you do. At most you might get a friendly handjob when you are both wasted one night.  

Probability of Hooking Up: 15% (Because you always end up hooking up at least once with your good friend that’s a girl)

4. The Generous Daddy’s Girl

See the big crowd of hot girls and their douchey counterparts? Go join! The attraction is most likely the girl whose dad is a plastic surgeon or partner in a law firm or President at a Fortune 500 company, passing out drink after drink to her “friends.”  This girl has never worked a day in her life and has no concept of money. Her dad works all the time and is never home, so he will never get wise to the $300 bar tab from a random Tuesday night. This girl means no harm and, in fact, she’s very friendly and generous to everyone.  Become close to her and you will never pay for another drink again. But don’t expect to hook up with her; she’s more preoccupied with dudes in her same social strata and getting shit-faced and taking a 10-mile taxi ride home.    

Probability of Hooking Up:  18% (You might go home with her, but after all of the shots that she’s bought you, let’s be honest, you’re just going to pass out in her bed)

5. The Girlfriend

Don’t expect much from the girlfriend. She will be drunk and fun. She and her boyfriend will even buy you shots. Since bars are usually a place to find someone to go home with, the couple won’t stay till 3 AM. Instead they will leave at 1 AM, so they have just enough time to go home and bang before any of the roommates get home. 

Probability of Hooking Up: 2%  (But…don’t be that douche.)

6. The Regulars

We often call these girls, “townies.” They aren’t in college, transplants or just visiting, they have been here…. for a while now. They appreciate a drink, but aren’t there to mingle or go home with someone. Don’t let this dissuade you though. This is a very possible conquest.  These girls haven’t gotten laid in a while, which is most likely the reason that they are drinking their sorrows away at that particular bar. Get a few drinks in these broads and you might have a shot (no pun intended, maybe)!  These girls have seen their fair share of action with the locals, but they are ready to get something new. Make that a triple! Now make your move.

Probability of Hooking Up: 55% (Eh, why not)

7. The C*ck Blocker

This girl is just the worst. She’s the annoying friend of the girl that you’re trying to close the deal with. The worst part about this girl is that you’ll be so close to bringing your girl home. You’ll have bought her last 3 rounds. You’ll be making out with her. You’ll be escorting her out of the bar, when BAM, The Cock Blocker swoops in and reminds your girl of her huge day tomorrow. Who knows if you’ll ever see your girl again? The Cock Blocker strikes again.

Probability of Hooking Up: 0% (Rest assured, there’s a special place in Hell for The C*ck Blocker)

8. The Girl That Snuck In

Don’t be caught with this girl. Chances are she’ll be antsy and paranoid all night. Also she will be blackout drunk because she “finally can buy her own drink.” They will spend the entire night talking about their fakes and how they got into the bar. The night with a girl who's not 21 will end up one of three ways:  1.  A bouncer or excise cops overhear her and she is escorted out of the bar. 2. She gets blacked out and her friends have to escort her out of the bar.  3. You decide to have an easy night and you wait till about 2AM and then you escort her out of the bar and back to your place.

Probability of Hooking up: 75% (Just make sure she’s 18)

9. The Sloppy Drunk

This girl practically showed up to the bar falling down drunk. She’s always buying more drinks, making out with a guy or girl, or, of course, yelling at some Bro for being a “jerk.” Steer clear of the sloppy drunk, even if you think you’re going to close the deal with this girl, you’ll probably just end up babysitting her while she yaks in your toilet…or in the cab on the way home.

Probability of Hooking Up: 80% (But do you really want to risk ruining that brand new shirt?)

10. The Photographer

This girl is taking a picture every 30 seconds. The worst is that 90 percent of the time, she’s not even taking the picture, she’s shoving the camera into the hands of every dude in the bar asking for them to take a picture of “her and her girls.” The photographer can range from being smoking hot to “why the hell would she even want evidence of herself on camera.” Duck faces, pouty faces, you name it, she’ll be making them.

Probability of Hooking Up: 50% (Maybe you could convince her to bring the camera into the bedroom?

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