Three University of Wisconsin Bros Fined $86,000 for Throwing Epic House Party
Before proceeding any further, here's the must-watch news reel from Channel 3000 in Madison:
That is obnoxious. In the meantime, allow me to editorialize for a second. How about the one guy's Bob Marley shirt? Could he at least have TRIED to throw something on that doesn't scream “I just smoked a blunt fatter than Kirstie Alley, ate a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, and listened to Cypress Hill's entire discography for the 90th time” before going on the local news? Sorry. We're on your side, really, but it has to be mentioned. Here's what the cops had to say. Spoiler alert: They had public safety in mind.
“We heard bragging that there might be upwards of 200 to 300 people in a basement of a house that certainly wasn't designed for that,” said Sgt. Tony Fiore, of the Madison Police Department. “The safety issues there are numerous. These people were in a basement. They had one avenue to leave if an emergency happened, if a fire happened. They would have had one exit to get all those people out.”
Fair enough. But still, why the hell couldn't they have just broken the damn thing up, maybe slap a handful of underage drinking/disorderly conduct citations on anyone too drunk or visibly over-imbibing, and be done with it? Anyone who's ever been to a house party at a large school can attest that 200 to 300 is a pretty average number. Small, in fact, compared to some throwdowns. And, as you know, when the po-po gets involved at a house party in a Big 10 college town like Madison (except you, Purdue and Northwestern), everyone usually just casually scrambles and goes their separate ways. No big deal!
Clearly there's bad blood between city police and University of Wisconsin kids living off campus, especially since there are no other criminal incidents connected to the party. Madison's police department and the D.A. are out to make public examples of these booze-hound musketeers by enforcing such excessive fines. Ludy, Klatt, and Tracy, our advice to you: lawyer up with a big-shot alum and fight these sons of b*tches. Find someone who will do it pro bono, then use whatever spare change you have left in your bank account to buy them lunch at Arby's. Be sure to spring for the value meal. Good luck. We got your backs, bro.
If you were in attendence at Ludy, Klatt, and Tracy's party and have photos you'd like to share, send them over to joepa [at] brobible [dot] com. As always, feel free to sound off in the comments.