University of Arizona Columinist Claims Bro Movement is ‘a Dark Stain Upon Our University’
This year the University of Arizona did a major backslide down U.S. News and World Report's Best National Universities list. Currently ranked by the magazine as the 120th best college in the country, the Wildcats fell 18 positions on the 2010-2011 holyier-than-thou-list. Rather than taking a critical eye to the school's admission standards or the tell-tale signs of deteriorating academic excellence (grade inflation, class sizes, dropout rates, etc.), a senior political science major is pointing fingers at the school's Bros, pigeonholing them as “one of the biggest threats facing to the U of A’s sliding reputation.” Along with a sucker-punch to ASU and blaming Bros for “an epidemic of douchebaggery,” he's compiled a field guide to the five types of Bros at U of A who “offer nothing to any discussion,” “plague our campus,” and “disdain all things intelligent.” He's We know BroBible readers loathe boilerplate generalizations and love to ruffle feathers, we've decided to excerpt Andrew Shepherd's column in yesterday's Arizona Daily Wildcat. Tucson and “Jungle Party” Bros, go wild in the comments.
The UA, a generally well-respected institution of learning, has been overrun with bros. Typically adorned in the standard bro uniform of muscle shirts, well-manicured hair, sunglasses and tribal tattoos, these individuals are viewed by almost everyone as a dark stain upon our university. Lacking any sense of individuality, the bros offer nothing to any discussion and are barely visible in class. Of course, being a very large and diverse campus, it’s impossible to classify all of these overly masculine, party-obsessed individuals into one category, so here’s a guide to the different types of bro that plague our campus:
The frat bro: The most easily recognizable bro on campus is also the cockiest. These bros often have few interests except banging chicks, “raging” and looking identical to the other members of their bro pack. Generally, any conversation outside the realm of fraternity politics or the sexual behavior of sorority girls is too much to handle and must be dumbed down. Like most other bros, they can be seen at the gym, but can also be spotted creeping along sorority row, the Park Student Union or any pool within five miles. It should also be noted that in order to be a frat bro, one doesn’t necessarily have to be a member of a fraternity; simply acting like one is enough.
The Eller bro: These bros are interesting, as they are usually the smartest of all. Eller is a tough program and in order to get in, you have to prove that you are up to the task. However, regardless of their intelligence, some business students still fall victim to the bro fad. Like the frat bros, they are also extremely cocky, but often abandon the standard bro uniform for nice button-down shirts or the perennially trashy Affliction or Ed Hardy. They can usually be heard discussing how great their future will be and, in some instances, how nice their car is.
The Hulk bro: Do you ever get tired of continual grunts in the weight room at the gym? Well, you have the hulk bro to blame. These creatures spend every possible minute pumping iron and drinking protein shakes. What they lack in intellectual capability, they make up for in pure brawn. They are the most insecure of all bros and usually spend any down time looking in the mirror or complimenting their fellow bro pack members on their pecs. However, watch out; they can also be violent, you never know how bad their ‘roid rage will be.
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