University Offers ‘The Art of Masturbation’ Course

by 2 years ago

Well this course will come in handy. Take off your pants and jacket, and get ready to learn about whacking off because the University of Sheffield will be offering a course in masturbation.

The British university will be offering a course titled “The Art of Masturbation.” More than 200 English Literature undergrads will be the lucky ones earning college credits by becoming enlightened about the five knuckle shuffle and flicking the bean. The course will have students attempt to wrap their hands and minds on hard topics such as “pleasure, self-scrutiny and auto-eroticism.” When is the practical exam?

English professor Dr. Fabienne Collignon, who will be teaching the class, gave some details on the stimulating course to Sheffield’s student news site The Tab:

“The lecture will be on Walt Whitman, Rob Halpern and the deconstruction of masturbation. The last week is called pleasure, self-scrutiny and auto-eroticism. I ended up calling it that because there’s an affinity between literary pleasure, critical self-scrutiny and auto-eroticism.”

Recommended texts for the syllabus include Jane Austen, The Masturbating Girl, Hardcore: Power, Pleasure and the Frenzy of the Visible, Solitary Sex: A Cultural History of Masturbation and Walt Whitman: The Spermatic Imagination by Harold Aspiz. “I’m so beat, I was up all night studying for my class.”

Finally there’s a college class about the important things that you’ll actually use in real life! But how do you not pass this? I have a firm grasp on the subject matter, let me get up there and give the lecture. This is like when I was in high school and the hot foreign exchange student Geneviève from France cheated the system and took a French class. It should be that easy for most guys.



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