The average man spends nearly three full days of his life waiting for a drink from a bartender who refuses to recognize his existence. That same man will spend 12 full days of his life sitting on the stool of a bar he’ll never remember the name of. Lastly, that man will spend five-seven minutes making up statistics to prove a point: We, as civilized men and women, need to demand more than double vision from our nights out.
It’s easy to gets into the same routine of picking a random bar, drinking excessively because there’s nothing else to do, leaving your credit card at said bar and waking up with a dreadful hangover.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s a reason this cycle has withstood the test of time. But with everything else in our lives constantly evolving, we don’t need to define a fun night out as cramming into a cash-only hipster bar that smells vaguely of vomit and plays crappy ironic music.
The answer: Topgolf.
I recently went to a Topgolf in Austin, Texas, as a bachelor party activity, and I have seen the light. To be honest, I was so hungover from the night before that I didn’t even want to go, but I couldn’t have had a better time.
For those unacquainted with Topgolf, its what would come of your favorite driving range, sports bar and restaurant making sweet love and birthing a child with the greatest attributes from each.
Ok, before this gets weird, let me itemize all the reasons why Topgolf should be your go-to spot bachelor parties, dates, work events or basically any occasion where fun is a priority.
1. THE GOLF.
Hold your applause for captain obvious.
I’ve found that the reason people don’t center their fun around driving ranges is because skill disparity is so large. Some of us are good at golf, but most of us close our eyes and hope for the best. Topgolf levels the playing field so people of all ages and abilities can feel like they’re 2005 Tiger Woods.
Even 2018 Tiger Woods.
Basically, players aim for 11 giant, dartboard-like targets on a 215-yard outfield and hit microchipped golf balls that score themselves. The farther the shot goes, coupled with its proximity to the pin, the more points you get.
Oh, and since #WinterIsComing, you should know that the golf bays are climate-controlled and the targets light up at night so you can play rain or shine, day or night.
2. THE FOOD.
I’m see-sawing between whether Topgolf is a dope golf spot with a restaurant or a dope restaurant with a golf element. Bottom line is you can’t miss with either. The food is excellent. And this fall, in conjunction with its Big Hits promo, Topgolf is unveiling menu items that are cartoonishly big.
Here are some menu highlights worth trying out. Feast your eyes on this, Fred Flintstone…
The Brontosaurus Rib
Hickory-Smoked Beef Rib, House BBQ Sauce, Potato Salad.
40oz Certified Angus Beef, Caramelized Onions, American Cheese, Chipotle Aioli, Lettuce, Tomato, Pickles, French Fries.
This menu could legit feed an army.
Figuratively I meant, bros.
You want to sip while you swing? Don’t even move. Topgolf’s Bay Hosts will deliver all food and drink straight to your party’s bay so you don’t have to do backflips to get the bartender’s attention. For once.
For Topgolf’s Big Hits promo, you can make your favorite beer bigger for just $2 more on any draft. Which is a no-brainer.
And if you’re a college student, Topgolf has some great food and drink deals for College Night every Wednesday. Take me back.
4. FOOTBALL, GOLF, FOOTBALL, GOLF, RINSE, REPEAT.
Waiting for your buddy to stop taking 39 practice swings and hit the damn ball? Don’t fret, Topgolf has several big screen TVs so you can watch your team’s game in between swings. Every Monday and Thursday night, and all day Saturday and Sunday, Topgolf is playing the biggest games of the year. No need to dirty up the house by having people over for the game or to head to a bar where they don’t even have sound on for college football’s best games of the week.
Every Friday night starting at 7 pm, you are in control of the Topgolf playlist. Yes, you. Every week, two playlists will battle it out for your vote, and the winner will be the soundtrack that Friday night. On Friday, you can request your favorite tracks from the winning playlist and Topgolf’s live, in-house DJ will play it.
So there ya have it.
If those reasons didn’t sell you on giving Topgolf a shot, I don’t know what to tell you other than we are just two different species, and I’m glad you’re a stranger. 🙂