A $900K House In Southampton, New York Versus A $900K House In West Virginia: LOL


(This isn’t one of the houses we’re looking at. Dream on, Peter Pan.)

In the blue corner… weighing in at 625 square feet, with 2 bedrooms that make you ask “how did they get the bed in here?”… sitting on a pristine .36 acre lot that might not even qualify for Google Earth coverage… YOURRRRRRR NEW! HAMPTONS! COTTAGE!!!!

Listing here.

AND in the red corner…. weighing in at 9 bedrooms, 10 bathrooms, with a combined square footage of 6,655 square feet… featuring an infinity pool, 12.5 acres of tick-infested land, a five-car garage that can also house golf carts and four wheelers, and an elevator for when your in-laws move in indefinitely… introducing the house in Wheeling, West Virginia!


(We’re not allowed to screen grab photos from listing websites, so just click the link. I promise it’s worth it.)

Dear God. I don’t know if this says more about how terrible it is to live in West Virginia, or how the Hamptons housing market has people by the balls. But the fact that those two homes cost the same amount of money, in the same country, is simply preposterous. Seriously, the West Virginia place is 10x bigger than that Hamptons shack—which looks a lot like the structure that Brie Larson and her son lived in in Room. But if you absolutely need to spend your weekends in the Hamptons, and you can’t afford hallways, this might be the place for you.

Don’t get me wrong—it’s cozy in a “we need to lie low for a while” way. But how could you ever be comfortable there knowing that just a 90-minute flight away, there sits a PALACE for you and everyone you’ve ever hosted in your life, for the same exact price.

I suppose location is everything. And sadly, Wheeling, West Virginia doesn’t scream “new money” the way Southampton does. But hey, if you’re comfortable in your own skin and buying a home for comfort instead of status, head to 62 Maple Lane in Wheeling. You just might say… welcome home. To yourself.