It was only after I moved out of New York City did I realize how stupid I was for living there to begin with.
If it wasn’t one of the greatest cities in the world, I would not have subjected myself to paying $1,300 in rent for a “bedroom” that didn’t even have a wall and was so small a fart lingered for a fortnight. I moved back to Boston a year ago, and while Boston ranks #4 on the list of highest rent in the U.S., I have a dishwasher. It’s a machine that cleans your dishes FOR YOU. I haven’t seen a dog-sized rat in nearly a full calendar year. The sidewalk outside my current apartment doesn’t smell like hot piss. I’ve made it.
For those unaccustomed to the absurdity of New York real estate, consider this four-bedroom property in Queens that hit the market in March for a reasonable $828,888.
For perspective, for $825,000, you could secure this 4 bed, 5.5 bath estate outside of Cleveland, Ohio.
The Queens property, built in 1945 and located on 196th street, has four unlivable bedrooms and two unflushable bathrooms. It is 2,640 square-feet of horror.
Let’s take the tour! Photos courtesy of Realtor.com.
This is the front of the home. Wouldn’t necessarily be my first trick-or-treating choice, but not awful.
Business in front, problem in back.
The kitchen area is an ideal spot to prepare for dinner parties, if your guests are characters on The Walking Dead.
Bedroom one screams “The Brady Bunch died here.”
Take home a piece of cinematic history in bedroom two, as this is where the Saw franchise was filmed.
Anyone up for a snack? Just ignore the human diarrhea on the cupboards.
Fun fact: The master bathroom was where Christopher Columbus took his first dump upon stumbling into the new world.
Sex dungeon meets Econo-lodge hotel room off Interstate 511 in Milwaukee.
This is a “Forever Home” in that the asbestos will kill you upon arrival.
$828,888. Concrete jungles where dreams are maaaaade of!
[h/t New York Post]