The Internet Is Destroying These Hideous $800 Designer Sneakers That Look Like They Were Plucked Out Of The Trash

You see those shoes? They look like the shoes the school nurse lent Doug Henderson after he shit his pants in 2nd grade and got doo doo on his. They look like the shoes your mom would buy after listening to the ladies on The View talk about the skin-enhancing benefits of exercise. They look like what would happen if a pair of Sketchers fucked a pair of Rec Specs. They are the shoe embodiment of the kid who draws at recess. They are horrendous, offensive, and EIGHT HUNDRED DOLLARS. For scale, you can buy TWO pairs of Big Baller Brand shoes for the price of one pair of the equivalent of the stale candies your grandmother keeps in a glass jar on the shelf above the photo of you from 17 years ago.

On Sunday, high-end fashion brand Balenciaga announced the coming release of their new $800 “Triple S” shoes.

As you probably could have guessed, Twitter had a blast with these puppies.

Yeah, these are going to be a no for me, dawg.

[h/t Some eCards]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.