How to pick up girls at Whole Foods

via Thrillist


Whole Foods is an amazing place to find hormone-free chicken and hormone fueled men.

The chicken are for eating and the men are there to hit on women. Maybe do some shopping for rare cheese made of the tears of young calves getting milked if there is time. There’s never time!

Here’s a handy guide from the folks over at Thrillist on the proper way to hit on women at Whole Foods. Among the wealth of knowledge is this little tidbit I found most helpful.

Approach organically — Like sun-kissed spaghetti squash from a local rooftop garden, your Whole Foods come-on should be firm, organic, and totally void of pesticides. Use your surroundings to your advantage! Here, I established an element of irresistible surprise by popping my head through a display of artisanal applesauce and demanding to get drinks later.

via Thrillist


If these tips don’t work, I don’t know what will. Maybe try the Shop-Rite?

[via Thrillist]

Chris Illuminati avatar
Chris Illuminati is a 5-time published author and recovering a**hole who writes about running, parenting, and professional wrestling.