17 Absolutely True Theories on What Will Happen in the ‘Entourage’ Movie
Anyway, the Deadline scoop necessitated some serious thinking time from me and AG, the former editor of this fine site and a faithful recapper of dozens of “Entourage” episodes. Where will this movie go? What becomes of the Vince-Alice marriage? Will Ari take the studio job? How will E be crudely shoehorned into a stupid subplot? Etc.
Two words of caution before we start:
1. If you hated “Entourage” or never saw the show, just stop reading now. It's better for the both of us.
2. AG actually liked the last season. Don't hold it against him.
AG: As you may remember from my old “Entourage” recaps, I approach the show, and now movie, from the perspective of someone most interested in how the show depicts the current state of Hollywood. As much as the wish-fulfillment/who's-fucking-whom/who's-making-cameos angle was fun in the early seasons, it became evident that Doug Ellin & Co. wanted to bring our characters to new, more “grown-up” places in the later stages of the series. I was certainly the only person in the BroBible office who actually liked the last couple seasons of the show, and thought most of the plot points — yes, including Vince going to rehab — actually made a lot of sense. So that's my preamble to the predictions you'll find below. In other words, expect more about the machinations of Hollywood and the entertainment/content industry than Perfect 10 models and trips to Vegas. Here are 10 theories as to the plot of the movie:
1. “Entourage” the TV show was about the movie business. “Entourage” the movie will be about the TV business. This would follow the natural trajectory of Hollywood — all the major directors, writers, and now stars want to be part of the next “Mad Men,” “Breaking Bad,” “Girls,” “Boardwalk Empire,” or “Homeland.” TV is changing the way we think about narrative storytelling, and the movie business has become increasingly difficult to crack. Plus, the new digital players like Amazon, Netflix, and Hulu are getting in the game with big bold series, offering new opportunities and competition. In terms of the “industry” side of “Entourage,” the next arm to tackle is surely a television series of some sort.
2. Vince, then, will be angling for the lead in just such a show. He'll have been off in Europe and Asia seeing the sites and fucking Alice Eve and will arrive home a year later eager to get back in the acting game. But he'll be bored by all the movie scripts sent his way, and will ask his agent (Lloyd?) about TV. When he and Alice both got food poisoning in Thailand, they spent two days in bed watching every episode of “Game of Thrones.” He wants to be part of something like that.
3. The man who has the power to get Vince such a job is of course Ari, who is no longer his agent but the new CEO of Time Warner. Of course Ari took that job. But he's in way over his head. The movie and TV business he can handle, but he's pretty clueless when it comes to the other side of Time Warner's enterprise. He and Mrs. Ari are doing fine — the $20mm penthouse in the Time Warner Center with views of Central Park certainly doesn't hurt — but she misses LA and their old life… and he sort of does too. Anyway, Ari finds the perfect show for Vince at HBO, which Time Warner owns, and brings everything full circle. I don't think it will be a meta “Entourage”-esque show because that would be too much of a “Seinfeld” ripoff, and it won't be Queens-related because they already did “Queens Boulevard.” But something big. Perhaps even a mini-series. And there will be all the regular tension/turmoil on the set associated with the big-name director brought in to create the show/direct the pilot.
4. E and Sloane will be happy parents in NYC, but E will be growing restless not doing any work. E was always about the hustle. Ari will come to the rescue with an offer to help him run the content business at Time Warner or at HBO specifically (expect a lot of “I'm tired of seeing Lena Dunham naked!” jokes from Ari). E was always good at identifying great scripts and talent, and he'll allow Ari to concentrate on the areas of the business that need him most. E jumps into the gig, but at the sacrifice of Sloane and the kid, which will be a sore point.
5. Vince will have some competition from some young gun actor — i.e. the next Vinny Chase, who will be repped by Scott Caan's character, who will play a big part now that he's so big on “Hawaii 5-0.” Lots of competition, perhaps on set (the young actor is a co-star on the HBO series?), leads to some of Vince's old habits/vices, including…
6. Vince and Alice Eve will have a rough marriage after the honeymoon period — he'll get caught cheating with Nina Agdal or something, they'll be all over the tabloids and TMZ — but they'll smooth that out at the end. There probably won't be a sequel, so Vince won't go out single.
7. All of Turtle's money and success will go to his head somehow, and he'll pretty much fuck it all up and be on the verge of losing whatever business he's been building up. But he'll turn things around at the end, returning to his roots, and find a girl.
8. Drama will get cast in a low-budget comedy that becomes an unexpected blockbuster, and he'll finally get the recognition/success/pussy he always deserved.
9. Ultimately Ari will realize he's not cut out for the overall Time Warner game — shareholders aren't happy, etc. — so he demotes himself to the head of Warner Bros, with E as his number two, and they all move back to LA where they belong.
10. Again, other than a few set pieces, I wouldn't expect a lot of the shenanigans from the earlier seasons. They clearly moved the show away from that stuff. The only clue that has been offered about the movie plot itself is Mark Wahlberg saying that they'll spend some time running around Europe, which admittedly I'm not sure how that works into anything I wrote above. I definitely think things will pick up a year later, not immediately after Vince's wedding in Paris. Maybe HBO shoots Vince's “Band of Brothers”-esque miniseries in Romania or something. Maybe Drama is cast in a Woody Allen or Roman Polanski movie. Yeah, probably not.
Andy: I listened to the below song 14 times while writing this post. Tonight, when I try to sleep, my brain is just going to go “You know I need you DES-PER-ATELY” over and over and over again.
Worth it. Great song. You should use it as a soundtrack while reading these seven theories on the film (and I should point out that I really loved the show, despite how much I make fun of it below):
1. Vince and Alice will not be married when this movie begins. There's no fucking way. That relationship was an absolute disaster that derailed the final season—no reasoning was given, really, for why this girl would cause Vince to act antithetical to how he's acted for more or less the entire show's history—and the writers will ensure Vince is single again before the events of the movie's plot even begin. Mark Wahlberg has already alluded to that being the case, actually.
2. The marriage's end will be explained away with one line. The gang will be strutting in slow motion after grabbing tacos or something, and E will go, “Hey Vince, have you talked to Alice lately?” Then Vince will start to say something, but Turtle will interrupt and say, “Pshh what's the point? She's probably bangin' some other actor by now” and he'll laugh at his own joke. And then Vince will start to say something again, but Drama will go, “Well thank God for these Hollywood annulments, ammirite BABY BRO?” And then there will be a cut to a party where Vince is slamming a model.
(“Entourage” will go down in history as the all-time best at the “Major Plot Development Is Summed Up with One Comment” situations. The undisputed master.)
3. Vince needs a new way to come THIS-CLOSE to ruining his career. He's already almost screwed it up in a whole legion of different ways: Becoming a coke head who dated Sasha Grey in the final season, going through a prima donna phase on “Smoke Jumpers,” turning into an even more terrible actor on “Medellin,” and, finally, presumably temporarily dropping 40 IQ points in the third season, which caused him to turn down “Aquaman 2.”
We've run the gamut here. For the “Entourage” film, the writers will have to find something new—something big—that will jeopardize Vince's career and cause him to almost not “do the movie.”
4.Vince will start receiving texts and Twitter messages from a groupie. She's really hot, and Vince, naturally, will begin returning the messages. Sparks fly. It's Internet love. Turtle grows concerned about his friend, though, when she refuses to accompany Vince to a gala for Avión Tequila. He insists that Vince go on the TV show “Catfish” and find out if the girl is real. Vince takes the advice—which is terrible, terrible advice—and he appears on a very special episode. The big reveal? The hot girl was actually Mark Cuban the entire time. Vince breaks down and begins to cry.
Chase's marketability is gone. How will he convincingly appear on an action movie when it's been discovered that he had an eight-month relationship with Mark Cuban? What girl wants to see him play a love interest in a romantic comedy now? He's ruined. He's Te'o'ed.
5. Vince has to get his swagger back. He teams up with his agent, Ari (who's turned down the studio job because he's still in love with DAT ASS), and his brother, Drama, and the trio develops a new microbudget indie film with director Billy Walsh that will be gritty and violent and possibly will be shot in black and white. It will be great.
6. The guys take the film to the Venice Film Festival (after a quick detour in Las Vegas and a great 10-minute scene featuring Drama negotiating hooker rates), where Vince and Ari will attempt to pitch the indie to studios that don't want to touch the un-marketable actor and the failed agent who turned down a studio job. But they're persistent. There's one scene where Ari jumps from gondola to gondola while trying to chase Harvey Weinstein. There's another where Vince attempts to seduce a 50-year-old studio head who's a total cougar. And when nothing works, they bribe a theater attendant into switching reels from the big Dicaprio movie to Vince's movie, and it's so moving and powerful that no one notices. The film is bought for millions, and then Paul Thomas Anderson, Quentin Tarantino, and Steven Spielberg all get in a fist fight trying to sign Vince to their next movies.
7. Everyone gets laid.
(Except for E, because he's spent the entire movie fighting with Sloan and neglecting his child. You suck, E.)