7 romantic movie gestures girls don’t want in real life
Romantic comedies are by far the least realistic movies produced by Hollywood each year. KungFu Panda has a more likely plot line and outcome than anything starring Kate Hudson or Sandra Bullock. Most men who were “dragged” to these romantic comedies leave with the wrong idea about what women want. These movies always feature characters doing insanely crazy things to each other only to end up falling in love by the ending credits. While these actions might work like a charm in Hollywood, there’s no chance they could ever succeed in real life.
Here are the top romantic movie gestures that will result in you sleeping alone tonight.
Photo credit: Steve Snodgrass, Flickr
7 Ruining My Wedding
You’re just about to say “I do” to your wonderful fiance when someone comes storming down the church aisle declaring their love (and effectively killing the wedding mood). Sounds like a disaster? Well not in hit movies like My Best Friend’s Wedding and Sweet Home Alabama. Both of these movies have someone destroying the wedding by declaring their love a little late in the game. Like you’ve been in love for a long time yet you can’t think of a more appropriate time to tell the person besides at their wedding. A phone call the day, week, year before wouldn’t have been dramatic enough? Sounds like a classic case of only liking someone when they’re unavailable.
6 Pretending to be Someone Else
In real life impersonating someone else you’re not is called fraud. However in movies like You’ve Got Mail and Failure to Launch it’s called caring. Leading characters originally get involved without some one’s life for financial reasons yet end up falling in love with them. They fall so in love with them that they can’t even find the time or words to tell them who they really are and why they met in the first place. You’ve Got Mail ends up with Meg Ryan crying out of happiness that Tom Hanks lied to her about being her online boyfriend. Sounds like a great “how we met” story to tell the kids some day.
5 Writing an Article About Me
Nothing says true love than pretending to be interested in a person only for the purpose of writing an article. Movies like How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days, Never Been Kissed, and Runaway Bride all feature reporters who only end up falling in love after they write an article criticizing the person they like — it’s practically a modern day love letter. All the reporter has to do is write a follow-up apology article (and stand in a dug-out) and the other person will forgive them for all the public humiliation.
4 Being a Jerk
According to Hollywood all you have to do to get a woman’s attention is to be a complete jerk to her. Eventually she’ll come around and realize you’re a great guy — who just happens to completely ruin her life. Movies like Two Weeks Notice, She’s All That, and Sex and the City feature leading men who are demanding, insulting, and rude. There is no way that I could fall in love with a man who made a bet that he could do the impossible — make me pretty. Nor is there any chance in hell that I’m marrying someone who left me at the altar because he got cold feet.
3 Make Me Choose Between Money and Love
Romantic comedies love the classic money versus love conflict as if it’s impossible to fall in love with someone who also has money. Classic tearjerkers like The Notebook and Titanic both feature leading ladies who have to decide between being wealthy or being happy. And being happy always wins out for these women who leave their mansions and bank accounts behind them. Notice how these movies never have sequels. No one wants to address the fact that these women probably end up miserable because they went from a life of maids and summer homes to an old rickety house eating lentil soup every night.
2 Involve Children
Relationships are complicated enough without involving children. However that hasn’t stopped movies like Big Daddy and The Holiday from using them as huge plot devices. Adam Sandler adopts a child purely to impress women and one is so charmed by his immature parenting techniques that she ends up marrying him. And in The Holiday, Jude Law hides the fact he has children which only ends up being a small obstacle on his path to true love. In real life kids aren’t plot devices you can just leave at home (or with Ron Schneider).
1 Give Up Something Big
The biggest lesson from romantic comedies is that true love conquers all. While movies like Jerry Maguire and Little Mermaid aren’t traditional rom-coms, they are the ultimate example of what women will do for the man they love. Ariel gives up her entire voice and Renee Zellwegger gives up her job. Like sure at the moment it seems like a well thought-out plan, but seconds later don’t you think they both had major regrets — not that Ariel could voice those regrets. While “you had me at hello” might be the most memorable job of the movie, it should have been you had me at 401k and health insurance. But I guess that doesn’t have quite the same ring.
So while you can admit to actually liking The Proposal don’t actually take any tips or hints from these movies. Stick to lessons learned from hit movies like Transformers 2 and Fast and Furious 5 and you’ll be surrounded by women in no time.