‘Silicon Valley’ Season 2 Episode 1 Recap, Including Erlich Bachman’s Most Offensive Quotes

by 5 years ago



Warning: Spoilers. Nothing. But. Spoilers.

Silicon Valley burst on to the scene last year, quickly establishing itself as one of the funniest and most inappropriate comedies on TV. No one loves inappropriate humor more than this guy (points at self), so this season I will be briefly recapping episodes and highlighting some of the most offensive Erlich Bachman quotes that you should, FOR SURE, implement in real life situations, because I’d feel terrible if I let you gorgeous sons a bitches ever bring piss to a shit fight. Ya heard?


When last season ended we knew a few things were going to happen in the first episode of season two. The first was that Pied Piper would be getting funded after a stellar showing at TechCrunch Disrupt. The second was that the CEO of Hooli, Gavin Belson, would be continuing his tireless quest to sabotage Richard, Erlich and the rest of the Pied Piper gang. Lastly, and sadly, we knew that the show would have to somehow address the death of Christopher Evan Welch, the actor who played Peter Gregory.

Unsurprisingly, the writers of Silicon Valley wasted no time laying waste to Peter Gregory and then they took the artistic liberty to harp on how dead he was over and over and over again throughout the first episode. Just when you think you forget that he died…BOOM, you’re reminded. Peter Gregory = Dead.

How Peter Gregory died was inconsequential to the plot, but let’s just say his death involved a rhino, gunshots and cardiovascular disease.

What is consequential to the plot is that Gregory was not only the main backer of Pied Piper, but he was the one person that could go toe-to-toe with that dickchugger Galvin Belson. With Gregory out of the picture, Pied Piper found themselves vulnerable, not only financially but also to Belson’s evil, dickchugging ways.

To solve their impending financial crisis, Erlich and Richard went out and shopped Pied Piper around for alternative funding. After realizing that the VCs they are meeting with are tying to play hardball by “negging” them, Erlich decides that they need to pitch these guys in the most Erlich way possible, which is obviously using hostility and rudeness. The effect of this hilarious and very insulting tactic naturally results in the valuation of Pied Piper going through the roof. Why? Because this is fantasy, that’s why.

While the two leaders (I use that word very loosely) of Pied Piper were busy whoring the company out for funding, their arch nemesis Gavin Belson was plotting a way to bring them down and see to it that his product Nucleus, came to market before Pied Piper. Belson’s plan to take Pied Piper down wasn’t revealed until the last, cliff-hanging seconds of the first episode when the group attends Peter Gregory’s funeral — we’re you aware that he had died? While there, they learned that Belson and Hooli were suing Pied Piper for stealing their entire file compression idea from them, a tactic that would put a hold on Pied Pipers launch and also jeopardize its funding.

This first episode was about an 8 out of 10 when it comes to funny, but it wasn’t packed with too many quotable lines from Bachman or others. Here were the four that stood out. All of which were from Erlich.

“Line ’em up, nuts to butts.” 

“We’re walking in there with three foot cocks covered in Elvis dust.”

“What I think I see is the human equivalent of a flaccid penis.”

“Your muffins smell like shit, so do your ideas. One of you is the least attractive person I’ve ever seen, and I’m not going to say who. Should we leave…or should you?”

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