Bro Gets His Balls And Penis Professionally Waxed With His Girlfriend And Ends Up Getting A Happy Ending
Sometimes manscaping has consequences. All this poor Bro in r/TIFU wanted to do was keep his girlfriend happy by waxing his balls and dick. But something else happened entirely when the waxing woman started de-hairing his private parts. Remember: All this was going down while girlfriend was waiting for him in the reception area.
I won’t say anything else, just that it’s a funny story that you need to read today.
Today I fucked up by getting my dick and balls waxed. I have a girlfriend and we’ve been dating for a month exactly. I commented on how beautiful her pussy was and how smooth and she said it was because she gets waxed. She told me it hurt to have done and I joked with her about how next time she goes I would get one, to show solidarity.
So the day comes when she’s going to get waxed and she calls ahead and asks if they wax men, and they are like, sure. This is where my plan fell through because I was 100% sure they didn’t do this sort of thing for men. But they do! Yay!
We end up going to the salon and I’m very nervous but I figure I’m going through with it. She gives me an out and says I don’t have to but I tell her, I told you I would so I’m doing it.
So this actually attractive woman in her late 20’s comes and gets me (I was expecting some woman in her 50’s with a Swedish accent and hands bigger than mine) and takes me in the back and tells me to get naked. Which I do and she asks me to get up on the table. I lay down on the table with my male bits dangling out. My nuts for some reason decide to hang down to my knees which they don’t tend to do very often so in that regard I feel betrayed.
She starts putting wax on the lower part of my stomach and rips. Holy fucking mother of all that is evil, who the fuck does this to themselves, I think, as a mixture of pins and needles covered with burning lava assaults me, as this tiny women hurts me in ways I never thought someone her size could. Then she keeps doing it and it doesn’t hurt any less, when she said it gets better she was a fucking liar.
Then something strange happens, she starts grabbing my dick and moving it around to wax around it. Obviously my penis is confused about whats going on, it’s been around wax before in a different type of setting and it thinks this is the right time to show off. So here I am with this woman fondling my penis as it slowly decided to become erect, because when you have hairs ripped out of your body that’s the time to get erect, right?
This is one of the least erotic moments of my life to be honest. She starts to do my nuts, well when I said it couldn’t hurt worse, I lied! It hurts worse and this woman has a strange habit of slapping me after she pulls a slab of wax up, she lightly keeps slapping me where ever she just ripped my hair out, as if to say, bad boy, bad boy for letting me do this to you and she does this on my nuts. Not pleasant to have the hair ripped off your scrotum then have some obviously sadistic woman start slapping them playfully afterwards.
Fuck me, this could not get worse, it does though! The bottom inch of my penis has hair on it, so obviously that shit has to go. So she rips the hair out of my penis and slaps it and well that wasn’t so bad really. My penis has been confused by her holding it so much. She does it again and bam, she rips that shit off, then slaps it lightly again and my penis is thinking, shit that actually was kinda nice. Next thing I know Mr. Happy is jumping around spitting cum all over the place. The nice woman starts to laugh and puts her hand under my penis catching most of my cum still laughing so hard I think she’s going to cry.
I apologize and apologize and apologize and apologize. She is still laughing and takes a towel and cleans me up and she tells me I didn’t do anything wrong it’s a natural reaction, all while milking my cock. I’m like, cool, so other people have done this? She laughs and says, Hell no, you’re the first one but still you’re alright, don’t be embarrassed.
She has me get up on all fours and then she waxes my ass crack and the rest of my balls. Yeah, that was actually the highlight of my day.
So she keeps waxing going over little bits as she feels around my nether regions and finally she finishes the job and you would think my penis would just stop doing this shit but no it stays erect the whole time even after cumming. She finishes by putting oil on me at the end and massages it in, even my erect penis, jerking it for a bit and then just like that it’s over. She takes a towel and wipes off all the oil and other stuff off me.
She gives me her card and tells me to come back when it’s grown about an 1/8th of an inch for another wax. I say, for sure.
I’m never going back again ever, obviously.
She takes me up front to pay and my new girlfriend is waiting and she asks me how bad it was. I say, it wasn’t so bad. The first of many lies I will take to my grave over that day. I tipped the salon woman $20.00 for being cool and not wigging out and having me arrested. Sometimes I hate my penis.
The woman who waxed me tells my GF I was awesome during the whole thing and that she will love my new look. Which was true she loves it and it’s not so bad being bald down there. But at what cost for my hubris? Scarring some poor salon worker for eternity seems like a big price to pay.
TL;DR: Promised to wax for GF, stimulated by pain and cums over 20 something woman waxing OP. Tips $20.00 to stay out of jail. credit to /u/terryw0gan for brilliant tl:dr.
[H/T: Cooper, my life’s inspiration]