If I had to guess, I would speculate that James Bond’s penis is not all that big. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying it’s small. Not by any means. I’m just saying I don’t think it’s massive.
He needs to be a lithe, limber spy, and something like an 11-inch branch between his legs would hamper his ability to properly execute jump kicks and spin kicks and all other fashion of foot-to-face combat international superspies need to pull off with ease.
Think about how off balance a big ol’ dick would make him here, swinging left when he’s moving right.
In fact, if I was a betting man, it would say MI-6 measured penis size before hiring people. The CIA doesn’t recruit anyone over 6′ 1″, so they don’t stand out in public. Makes sense its British counterpart wouldn’t want monster swinging tubes as well.
That’s not to say a reasonable-sized dick can’t have magic prowess. It most certainly can, and it appears James’s shot the sexual conversion semen (possibly from a node implanted on his vas deferens by Q), because he allegedly turned Pussy Galore, of Goldfinger, from a lezzie to a … straightie? What is slang for heterosexuals?
A letter in which Ian Fleming asserts that his lesbian Bond girl Pussy Galore “only needed the right man to come along … to cure her psycho-pathological malady” will be sold at auction later this month.
The letter, which is also included in the just-published collection of Fleming’s James Bond letters, The Man With the Golden Typewriter, was written in response to a Dr Gibson. Gibson had written to Fleming that while he enjoyed Goldfinger, “although not a psycho-pathologist, I think it is slightly naughty of you to change a criminal Lesbian into a clinging honey-bun (to be bottled by Bond) in the last chapter”.
In his June 1959 letter to Gibson, Fleming writes that Galore “only needed the right man to come along and perform the laying on of hands in order to cure her psycho-pathological malady”.
The right man with the right dick, he implied with his words, as good writers do.
[Via The Guardian]
RELATED VIDEO: A Dick This Big, Straight To Your Stomach
Watch This Presumably Drunk Redneck Break A Tree Branch Across His Buddy’s Back