The Iron Sheik’s guide to an amazing Spring Break

@TheRealSheik via Twitter

@the_ironsheik via Twitter


 

It’s that time again – Spring Break.

Alcohol will be consumed with the unfathomable speed. Relationships will surely be destroyed. Livers will be put to the test. Parents’ credit cards will unknowingly be maxed out. And as we prepare for the best unofficial holiday of the calendar year, I figured I may as well check in with one of the world’s biggest party animals – pro wrestling icon, WWE Hall of Famer and Twitter’s reigning insult king – The Iron Sheik.

If you follow Sheikie baby on Twitter, you’re likely more than aware that the Iranian superhero loves to party. In between insulting everyone from Justin Bieber to Zach Braff, the Sheik loves talking about his love of “the cold beer”.

So now, without further adieu, here’s the Iron Sheik’s Spring Break tips.

Sheikie baby, a pleasure to speak to you again. What, in your expert opinion, makes for the perfect Spring Break?

Thank you, bubba. I love the good time, but you know I work hard 365 day 8 day a week. I never take the fucking break because I know how to handle the party and have good time! What perfect to legend is the cold beer and the good weather. I love to party, but I know how to handle my moderation – not like dumb fucking kid he throw up like baby midget dick!

Spring Break is a time to get laid. What is your advice on how to get laid while on Spring Break?

You have the sex because you have the balls! But if you get the dumb bitch pregnant, than you are worse that the jabroni Mel Gibson. If you have the charisma like the legend, and you show you are the real, than anybody have the sex with you. If you have the dog shit breathe, still they love you if you have the money, bubba. Next fucking question! Come on, man!

Should a guy always break up with his girlfriend before Spring Break? Or is it possible to remain faithful?

I am Shia Muslim. I never cross my wife. I respect the lady, but the lady sometime act like dumb bitch lady gaga googoo or whatever the fuck! She not the legend. You live one time, you do whatever the fuck you want. If you can’t control your raisin balls, than you are not worth a fuck.

The world knows that you love “the cold beer.” Do you have a favorite Spring Break beverage of choice?

I love the whiskey, the cold beer and the vodka. I always have the party ready, bubba.

Some frat boys love to chug or funnel beers. Think there’s a frat boy on this planet who could chug faster than The Iron Sheik?

I drink the beer forever till I die, bubba. Any fucking punk piece of shit jabroni want to challenge the legend, they can try. But I suplex them and break their fucking neck! They drink the beer out of a fucking tube for the rest of their fucking life. DONT EVER INSULT THE LEGEND!

What about shots? Does The Iron Sheik do shots? What is the legend’s thoughts on a jager bomb?

I love the shots. I do 90 shots in one night with the “Rowdy” Roddy Piper and the Ric Flair. I stand up, I ready to go again, bubba. Always!

If you could take a Spring Break vacation with 3 people, who would they be?

If I go on the vacation, I wish I have my friend the Junk Yard Dog with me. I love him and I miss him. Also I go with the Action Bronson, because he love the food and after we party we go for best shish kebob. Also I go with my best friend the Ryan Phillipe. He get the lady. He know how to party big time, bubba!

Check out more of the Iron Sheik on Twitter or his official website.

Peter HoarePeter Hoare’s writing has appeared in Killing Hasslehoff, Billy on the Street and MTV’s Guy Code. Check him out on Twitter.