Stupidity at All-Time High on This Week’s ‘Jersey Shore’

by 9 years ago

Other than a few great one liners and Ronnie rolling off his bed drunk and landing on his head, the highlights were few and far between in last night’s “Jersey Shore.” We all knew that the cast of the show was lacking intelligence, but now it seems that lack of intelligence is seeping through the cameras into the brains of the producers as well. What do I mean? Let’s start at the top…

Enough of Sammi Drinking the Ron-Ron Juice
I think America is plenty tired of the Sammi and Ronnie relationship at this point. It’s been beaten to death and it’s frankly not interesting anymore. Nothing happened in last night’s episode and that’s because the whole time was spent following the trials and tribulations of the on-again, off-again couple. Do we think JWoww came up with the idea to leave Sammi an anonymous letter of Ronnie’s transgressions by herself or did she get an earful from the producers? Besides, how f*cking stupid is an anonymous letter anyway? You’re telling me Sammi won’t know where the letter came from? JWoww, how about you have some f*cking stones because you’re always talking this big game about how tough you are? It’s not Angelina’s job to tell Sammi what’s up, it’s your job. You claim you’re the girl’s friend, step up to the plate and be a friend. No wonder the future holds a fight between the two of them when JWoww gets on Sammi’s case for being a p*ssy and letting Ronnie walk all over her. Pot meet kettle.
It was amusing watching Sammi tell the camera that Ronnie was off the wall and knowing that’s really code for “Ronnie just disappeared to buy some coke from his dealer and then started doing lines in the bathroom.” It’s pretty obvious the kid just did a f*cking eight ball. You can see it in his eyes.

There Has to be Some Silver Lining
This is still the show we love, so as usual there were some takeaways from last night’s episode that gives us hope for better future entertainment.

  • Snookie’s midget boyfriend Emilio goes out to a club back home, gets super trashed, can’t complete sentences when she calls him, and then eventually calls her back a few hours later to tell her that he just f*cked some girl and he’s sorry. I guess when you’re unemployed, the best thing going for you is your girlfriend who makes hundreds of thousands of dollars being a retard on TV, so Emilio is an idiot for f*cking some other trashy Pisan hoe. He also wasn’t smart enough to leave a message after Jenny’s beep.
  • Whatever the game was called where the cast threw a buncha silly questions into a ball and went through them one by one led to some major awkwardness. And I’m not talking about Angelina’s reaction when Pauly D said her dress looked like the trash bag luggage she had with her last season. Ronnie doesn’t want to offend Sammi so he says he’d choose Vinny and Sammi for a threesome. Let’s get a wild pause on that one.
  • Finally, Vinnie lets everyone know what types of girls a guy should be looking for in Miami. “I don’t want girls studying for finals,” he says. “I want girls studying for dick.” Amen, brother. You can work those ice-cream calories off back at the pad.

Still to Come
Finally things get back to normal as The Situation and Pauly D try to bring back two different groups of girls back to the house. They think they can separate them into two parts of the house without either side knowing, but things didn’t go so well the last time they had to deal with two groups of girls down at the Shore. I’m sure there will be more Sammi and Ronnie bullshit, but I’m trying to stay positive here.

TAGSJersey ShoreJWowwronniesammiSnookiThe Situation