10 Gift Ideas Guaranteed to Get You Laid… Plus a Few That Definitely Won’t
Much like sunglasses, chicks like to have this stuff in duplicate (or triplicate). I’m pretty sure I get this combo every year and always use it. Club Monoco, Gap, J. Crew, and Banana Republic have some great sets — yes, get all three, and no, they don’t have to match perfectly. Yarnz, one of my personal favorites, also makes fantastic scarves in cool prints. Prints are pretty popular this year, so if you know she likes to mix it up a bit go for one of those.
Price range: $40–$120
This might sound boring, but if you’re relatively new to each other, this is actually a very sweet gift. They’re soft and cozy, very useful, and thoughtful. UGG and Minnetonka both make great moccasins. Or you could go to J. Crew, which also has some great options.
Price range: $30–$90
The perfect utility gift if your chick is the active type and you guys have been together for a pretty long time (and you’ve already gone the jewelry route). By now you should know what kind of stuff she uses and likes, and what she might need. I’ve yet to meet a girl that doesn’t love Lululemon gear, especially for yoga and pilates, but also for most other kinds of physical activity. Does she need new running sneakers? How about a new yoga mat? If she’s a skier/snowboarder maybe some dope goggles. Just be sure you don’t inadvertently offend her by getting size XL yoga pants when she’s a small, or similar faux pas. She’ll think you’re trying to tell her something.
Price Range: $40–$120
I think this is one of my favorite gifts. A concert, an art exhibit, a play, a comedy show, whatever it is that you think she might be interested in. And, obviously, get two tickets and go together. Not only will she love that you took the time to think about something she would want to do, but you’re also committing to spending some quality (non-boozing) time with her. She’ll almost certainly show her deep appreciation after the curtain falls, in bed. One warning: Don’t just buy a card and write “two tickets to a show” on Christmas morning when she’s not looking. Actually get the tickets, plus a picture of the band or something symbolic of the event, and put them in the card. It may help to do some reconnaissance work by taking a peek at her calendar to scope out a date when she's definitely free.
Cook Her Dinner
A great idea for anyone on a budget. Pick a cool recipe, her favorite, or possibly the only one you know how to make, and invite her over. Try to make sure your typically drunk and smelly roommate isn’t there if you can help it. Grab some wine and treat her to some quality time and attention. Even if whatever you make ends up being a disaster, she’ll appreciate the time and effort you put into doing something just for her. And please, don’t turn on the game. If you think you still need something to put under the tree, just give her the nice bottle of wine as the stand-in gift, and attach a note to the top neck that says, “Please bring to [your address] on the evening of…”
Price Range: $20–$60
Maybe her iPod is outdated, maybe the battery is always dying, or maybe she likes to run a lot and her iPhone is annoyingly large to carry. One of Apple’s smaller offerings is fairly obvious, but always a good choice. She probably wouldn’t buy it for herself but she’ll end up using it just about every day. If you think a Shuffle looks a little cheap, add an iTunes store gift certificate.
Price Range: $49–$149
O.K., you guys knew this was coming. This one isn’t for all of you, but once you’ve been with her long enough at some point you need to bite the bullet and get her something pretty special. It should be personal and unique, should fit her preferred style, and doesn’t necessarily have to be gold, silver, or filled with diamonds. That said, Tiffany is pretty ubiquitous and every girl loves getting that blue box. Shashi has great beaded funky bracelets if she’s not the Tiffany’s type. Citrine by the Stones, Gorjana, and Alexis Bittar all have very cool necklaces. A necklace or bracelet is the best way to go. If you’re approaching that phase where she might be expecting a ring soon, avoid earrings. Those generally end up in gift boxes similar in size and shape to those for rings and you certainly don’t want any premature confusion.
Price Range: $35–$300
Only do this if you know how to do it properly. This means you need to know her bra size (easy enough to find out if she sleeps over, just check the tag when she’s not looking), and you need to know what will work for her bod (does she usually wear boy short-style underwear or thongs? Chances are what she wears around you is what she thinks looks good, so try to stick to that, just sexier). On the high end, you definitely won’t go wrong with La Perla or Agent Provocateur, but Hanky Panky is also a good option. (Shopbop.com has a pretty great selection of these brands and some other designers, but they sell out quickly so get on it.) Pretty much every major department store carries Calvin Klein, which is always a classic, but please, avoid Victoria's Secret. Their stuff errs towards skanky or tacky or both, and if you’re giving lingerie as a holiday gift it should be classy.
Price Range: $30–$300
A great option if you know your chick gets stressed during the holidays. She’ll feel pampered and totally spoiled, which is kind of the point. She might not ever get it for herself, but she’ll be so pleased you did. Just like the tickets, actually get the gift certificate for the specific spa, not simply a written IOU.
Price Range: Varies depending on spa and service.
And, of course, a Card
Whatever you end up getting her, make sure you include a card. What you write inside doesn’t have to be long but it should be genuine and heartfelt.
At the end of the day, she’s going to like anything you get for her, as long as you’re thinking of her, and not just grabbing something on December 24. Actually, I guess I should say almost anything. Below is a list of things to avoid, and lest you think them too absurd, I've received all of these from one boyfriend or another.
Three and a half years, and I got cash in an envelope with instructions to pick out a pair of shoes that I wanted because he ran out of time. Do. Not. Be. This. Guy. It was promptly mailed back and let’s just say it was the beginning of the end. Gift cards also fall in this category. This is different than the massage/spa gift mentioned above. That is a specific and thoughtful luxury, whereas giving her a piece of plastic from J. Crew or Bloomingdale’s and saying “go nuts,” because you couldn’t be bothered to spend 15 minutes thinking about what item she might like best, is decidedly not.
A DVD of “Supersize Me”
Because nothing says Happy Holidays and I Heart You, Babe like a doc*mentary about the dangers of eating too much McDonald’s and the American obesity problem. FAIL. DVDs in general aren’t really the best route. Unless there is some specific reason you know she is dying to have “The Sopranos: Season 1,” DVDs seem a bit impersonal.
No matter how funny or spot on or witty or charming you think the one you found is, no. Just, no.
Pretty much the stupidest gift imaginable. What’s she supposed to do with it? It’s not like you want her spooning a stuffed puppy or bunny at night and thinking of you. That’s what your sweatshirts and old T-shirts are for.
Unless you know exactly what kind of perfume she wears, just avoid this department all together. We know what we like and we are pretty specific about it. Don’t get lured into Bath & Body Works and wander out with a headache, miscellaneous moisturizers, and bath beads. They’re kind of gross and she will probably never end up using them.
Do not. For any reason. Give this. Ever.