Get A Load Of These Boxer-Briefs That Protect Your Testicles From The Radiation Of Cellphones


Belly Armor

Are you constantly frying your ballbag with radiation? Are you concerned that one day your peen won’t be able to produce non-dead sperm because you spend so much time with your cellphone that the two of you are practically in a common law marriage? Are you be willing to pay $49 — FORTY NINE DOLLARS — for one pair of boxer-briefs?

If you answered “yes” to any of those questions then fucking shit, son, have we got the deal for you.

Introducing Belly Armors RadiaShield® Men’s Boxer-Brief, the product that can help you with all the above and more. Any by “more,” I mean literally nothing else. That said, cellphones are slowly frying the contents of our junk. Look at this chart by Cleveland Clinic.


Belly Armor

Uh…kinda concerning?

Provided that the above chart is correct, I figure I have one, maybe two, healthy sperm left. I’m on my cellphone, or carrying it on my person, no less than 16 hours a day. I’m not sure I can justify paying $49 for one pair of boxer-briefs just to save sperm, especially if said boxer-briefs also don’t guarantee to perfectly hide any and all no-reason boners that may arise. Now I’d shell out $49 for that product.

In the event that you feel differently about this than I do, go get yo’self some belly armor boxers.

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