Are you constantly frying your ballbag with radiation? Are you concerned that one day your peen won’t be able to produce non-dead sperm because you spend so much time with your cellphone that the two of you are practically in a common law marriage? Are you be willing to pay $49 — FORTY NINE DOLLARS — for one pair of boxer-briefs?
If you answered “yes” to any of those questions then fucking shit, son, have we got the deal for you.
Introducing Belly Armors RadiaShield® Men’s Boxer-Brief, the product that can help you with all the above and more. Any by “more,” I mean literally nothing else. That said, cellphones are slowly frying the contents of our junk. Look at this chart by Cleveland Clinic.
Provided that the above chart is correct, I figure I have one, maybe two, healthy sperm left. I’m on my cellphone, or carrying it on my person, no less than 16 hours a day. I’m not sure I can justify paying $49 for one pair of boxer-briefs just to save sperm, especially if said boxer-briefs also don’t guarantee to perfectly hide any and all no-reason boners that may arise. Now I’d shell out $49 for that product.
In the event that you feel differently about this than I do, go get yo’self some belly armor boxers.