It’s 6:00 a.m. and you just opened your eyes wide enough to realize you were back in your hotel room sleeping on top your bed wearing nothing but your boxers and lipstick from a lucky lady you have already forgotten about. Three of your buddies are passed out on the floor while another random stranger takes a shower before leaving without saying a word.
You remember where you are and realize it is time to rally the troops, clean yourselves off good enough to make it another night, and get ready for round two. Because it is Mardi Gras time and you are down in New Orleans and this is the only kind of behavior that is acceptable.
If you have been lucky enough to travel to New Orleans for Mardi Gras, then you already remember the stories of how one of your buddies, or even yourself, went through this situation. So what happens next?
You move forward, never looking back. If you want to survive New Orleans for Mardi Gras, you need to have a short term memory and a lot of alcohol. It does not hurt to add in a few strippers every once and awhile.
That’s what we decided to do today. We wanted to give you a guide to the Best Strip Clubs in New Orleans just in case you decide to go to one during your Mardi Gras vacation.
In order to rank such a long list of strip clubs, we had to come up with a system that ranks them according to several key factors on a scale of 1-15 (15 being the highest ranking); atmosphere, cost, reputation, website, DJ, and talent level.
Why website you ask? Because a strip club with a website is much more likely to hire A+ talent rather than C-, even for Tuesday afternoon’s.
Here are the 15 Best Strip Clubs New Orleans has to offer.
15. Passion’s Men’s Club
Location: 3921 Downman Rd. New Orleans, LA 70126
Overall: The cost is cheap, the music is awesome, and the talent is above average. If you want a more imaginative atmosphere, you are in the wrong place. The downside is that the location of this particular club is in a less than safe area known as New Orleans East. However, as long as you do not wander out of the club and find yourself walking alone on Downman Road at 2:00 a.m., you will be more than safe inside the club. They make sure to take care of their customers with a ton of security and a easy to access parking lot across the street.
14. Babe’s Cabaret
Location: 433 Bourbon St. New Orleans, LA 70130
Overall: Bourbon Street is famous for being a street where anything goes. So it should come as no surprise that when you take a walk on Bourbon, you come across a lot of bars and strip clubs. There are plenty of strip clubs so trying to determine which one is better is not easy.
However, Babe’s Cabaret sets itself apart from the others for one reason, cleanliness. The talent is good but not great and the price of a lap dance isn’t anything to brag about but when it comes to feeling like you are in a clean environment, Babe’s does the best job of it.
13. Lipstixx Gentlemen’s Club
Location: 420 Bourbon St. New Orleans, LA 70130
Overall: When the music, atmosphere, VIP room, and cost all suck, the only thing you can do to circumvent that is with some high-end talent.
Unfortunately for Lipstixx, their dancers were being a little bit too friendly and the club was part of a major drug and prostitution undercover operation that was conducted by the Louisiana ATC. (Don’t worry, they are still open, they just can’t sell alcohol until the hearing.)
12. Stiletto’s Cabaret
Location: 325 Bourbon St. New Orleans, LA 70130
Overall: If you have high standards for strip clubs, move along please. Stiletto’s Cabaret isn’t dirty, it is just not clean. If that makes any sense.
Location: 411 Bourbon St. New Orleans, LA 70130
Overall: As we mentioned earlier, there was a big drug and prostitution ring that came to light in November of last year. Centerfold’s was another one of the clubs on that list that had their alcohol license suspended until further notice.
So if you plan on drinking, you need to go across the street because this club is dry as cotton. Not to mention, the talent is going to roll out because the competition for strippers is very high.
Location: 327 Bourbon St. New Orleans, LA 70130
Overall: Temptation’s tries to come off as a high-end strip club and for some reason claims to be when, in reality, it is not. It is on the same levels of all the others before it and maybe even Score’s.
Location: 416 Bourbon St. New Orleans, LA 70130
Overall: Howard Stern helped turn Score’s into a gigantic success in New York over the years. However, in New Orleans, Score’s isn’t quite as good. In fact, it should be a bit further on the list but since the prostitution/drug bust from last November, it has climbed over some of the other clubs as one of the best of the suspended clubs. (No liquor license)
8. Club Eden
Location: 3229 Lisa Dr. Metairie, LA 70003
Overall: Club Eden is a Mardi Gras favorite because it is not in the heart of the French Quarter so the crowds aren’t nearly as compact giving you more time to relax and enjoy the ladies.
7. Rick’s Cabaret
Location: 315 Bourbon St. New Orleans, LA 70130
Overall: Rick’s Cabaret has a reputation, but a lot of times it takes more than just a good rep to be considered amazing. Over the years, Rick’s has dropped off in talent and now sits much lower on the list than it should be. Hopefully Rick’s will return to the top one again, we just hope they realize how much work is in store for them if they want to surpass the other clubs.
6. Déjà vu Showgirls
Location: 226 Bourbon St. New Orleans, LA 70130
Overall: Larry Flynt owns Déjà vu, which many people do not realize, and it is designed strictly for the guys on a budget. Honestly, Déjà vu isn’t the greatest strip club you will ever go to but it is a cheaper version of Hustler Club with some of the same talent.
Location: 4000 Downman Rd. New Orleans, LA 70126
Overall: Try to understand a few things about Vision’s, it isn’t on Bourbon Street and it is a long cab ride away from where you might be staying. Oh, and it might be in one of the worst area’s in New Orleans. However, the parking lot is secure and the inside of the club is as safe as any other place you might go to this year. So for the price of a private lap dance, the amount of talent inside the club, and your overall experience, Vision’s is a must-go for any strip club fan.
4. Larry Flynt’s Barely Legal Club
Location: 423 Bourbon St. New Orleans, LA 70130
Overall: As you are about to see, Larry Flynt has done a terrific job in New Orleans with both his strip clubs being among the best in New Orleans. The one thing we love about Mardi Gras is that the best strippers from all over head to the city and pick up a few shifts giving you more talent than normal. As history has shown us, Larry Flynt makes sure both his clubs are full of the best of the best.
3. Larry Flynt’s Hustler Club
Location: 225 Bourbon St. New Orleans, LA 70130
Overall: If you want to go to one of the two Larry Flynt strip clubs on Bourbon St., it is nearly impossible to determine the difference between Hustler Club and Barely Legal. So if we have to chose, we will go ahead and give Hustler Club the higher ranking for one reason, the ladies are a little bit better, from top to bottom.
2. Rick’s Sporting Saloon
Location: 522 Bourbon St. New Orleans, LA 70130
Overall: If you had a dream about the World’s best sports bar, it would be Rick’s Sporting Saloon. Not only do you get to enjoy the games on one of their countless big screen televisions, but the ladies get naked too. It’s like Hooters on steroids inside this place. The DJ was a bit of a buzz kill with very bad transitions, song choices, and random ass noises during the songs. But outside of that, this place is worth every single penny, or dollar bill.
1.The Penthouse Club
Location: 727 Iberville St. New Orleans, LA 70130
Overall: The rumors about The Penthouse Club are as true as ever. This is the ultimate strip club to go to if you are going to New Orleans for Mardi Gras this year. From the A-list strippers to the second floor VIP rooms overlooking the downstairs action; this club has everything you will want in a strip club. It’s not located on Bourbon St. which is a huge bonus because once those Mardi Gras crowds roll in, you will not be able to breathe let alone get to the clubs you wanted to go to. (Iberville is actually a block away and it stands by itself on a corner block) There is very little to not enjoy about this club so get those dollars ready, even the cheap lap dances are going to cause you to spend even more.
Disagree with our list of the Best Strip Clubs in New Orleans? Think we missed an epic titty bar? Drop your thoughts in the comments.